ARE YOU BORED RIGHT OUT OF YOUR MIND STUDYING?


WHY NOT GO TO THIS WEBSITE?

IN PARTICULAR

BUT BE WARNED. it may be the most retarded thing you would ever watch.

have a good time!

when i was on the stage today, i couldn't wait for the song to end right then so i could go back.
seriously
i have never ever felt so uneasy and irritated. gosh. like how many people were talking away right there?
(chinyong tells me i should have banged on my instrument, throw up my hands and stalk off. what a lovely thought)
but that's alright. at least my friends appreciated the performance. and that's what i like. appreciative people. :) thanks so much to sangi n poh!
haiyo. i was so touched by them :)
and i guess that concludes all the performances left.
at the backstage, i suddenly realised this would probably be the last time ever i'm going to perform
then i tried to remember exactly how many times i've performed.
bah. i gave up. i should think between 30 to 40? heh heh.
well anyway. no more performances, meaning it's back to the mundane lifestyle.


i really ought to start studying.

*&!^*$(*#O*!&!^*#&@^!!

-huffs-

if i look back and decide that at this present moment i'm just PMS-ing again, i might just delete this entry.
but right now.
I AM NOT VERY HAPPY
Am
Not
Happy
At
All.
not helping that i don't feel well either.


shameless. -rolls eyes-

you know the insult "are you trying to act dumb or does it comes naturally to you"
well how about
"are you deliberately trying to be a scheming ***** or DOES IT COME NATURALLY TO YOU?!"
stupidpeopleintheworld. HMPH.

deleted the previous post because i can safely conclude i was just PMS-ing after all. :)

was honestly dreading college day these past few days, but after today i thought 'heck! who gives a shit about the performance man. you people are not paying for our performance, and since most of you would probably be sleeping through it, why should i care?'
but seriously. what a bloody waste of my time. BLARH. i hate playing for unappreciative audiences.
which reminds me of the time when dhsco was invited to perform for a particular minister at some lunch function. (what an honour indeed -sneers-). throughout the entire performance, people were basically just talking and eating their way through. i wanted to throw my instrument at them.
there's nothing i loathe more than that. but whatever.



it's funny. two years back we were all anticipating our JC prom, which would obviously be so much more glam than our secondary school one (singapore swimming club. pui!) and being typical girls we were all of course looking forward to dolling up part.
and now. i'm not going for it. haha.
none of the people important to me are going, neither are my other friends. and since they say prom is merely a glamerous photo-taking session, why should i bother when the people i actually care about aren't going?
moreover i don't particularly want to see all the -rolls eyes- prom-queen-wannabes strutting around. they are an eyesore enough in the school.
heh heh. like what some of us girls were gossiping about the other day. seems like we all have a common gossip target eh? :)

oh a slight digression.
it's hilarious how most of the girls in the class like to gab about this particular person.
it's almost like we just know we're talking abt her, even when we don't mention names.
it's like:
me: "yeah. you know. i don't want to go because of those act chio girls blah blah"
them: "yeah lor"
me: "yar. people like her"
them: "are you talking about who i'm thinking of?"
me: "_____??"
them: "yes!!"
so why is there a common dislike among us?
hey well if we ever dare to bring this up in front of guys, we know what we would get
"you all are just jealous of her because she's chio"
-chuckles-
i think not.
it's hardly ever likely that we would dislike a person just because she's pretty. riduculous!
and should we be jealous of her? of her behaviour perhaps? i'd rather not look like her if there are so many people around who can't stand the way i act, thanks very much.


yup. so no prom for us. (no. i don't care if there's electrico. i don't care if there's utt or denise keller. hell am i not going to spend 300 bucks on one oh-so-memorable-night)
perhaps pubbing would be our plan for the day. no clubbing please. it's terribly passe. (not to mention all the disgusting poseurs you'd meet after the prom)

besides, not as if i had a great time here these two years and had lots of fantastic memories.
BAH.



exhausted. ciao.

hey. what can i say. it sure is not my fault anymore.
no one can tell me "but that's cos the problem lies with you! because blah blah blah"
no more.
no fault of mine.


and lyrics from jy's blog. sure is an enlightenment haha. :)



one day you'd regret ever saying those things about me.
this i promise you :)
it's called karma baby, and it goes around.

just one look
and i know i'm in trouble once again.

i never learn don't i.

it's appalling.
it's disgusting.
it's dismaying.
and i can do nothing about it.
can only wait for time to change things.

ah. what a headache.

the next time, i'm not going to act smart and try all the different ways i can get home from school.



people ask me, "why don't you just take the conventional way home??" (ie cross the bridge take 196, 197 or 31. trip home guranteed within forty-five minutes)
haha. cos i lazy to cross the bridge see?

so most of the time, i would either take 55 to ubi and change bus (i'd still have to cross an overhead bridge. you see the pointlessness in this?) or i'd go parkway, change 15 and take another bus again.
in actual fact. it's all rather time consuming not to mention POINTLESS LAH.

but me, being the great timewaster i am, enjoy finding new and interesting ways (read: more time consuming) ways to get home.
just yesterday, i realised, with great delight, that 135 goes to macpherson (how i found out is another time wasting story. so never mind :)) where i could take 66 home. very nice. :) no need cross bridges at all, and somemore, it's fast.
so happily, i took 135 after school today.

and when i finally realised that the macpherson road where i usually take 66 is
a one way street.
it was a erm, a little too late. i was well on my way to unfamiliar places.
uhoh.
which means the 135 i saw yesterday came from.. wherever it comes from.
like ang mo kio perhaps. bad. very bad.

so after 45 minutes, i found myself
LOST
and
DRENCHED (ok. not quite but i was aiming for the dramatic effect)
in
SERANGOON NO LESS.
wah. thanks lah. stupid 135.

i SOS-ed for help from the girls.
lydia cackled at me evilly and still had the decency to throw rocks at me when i'm in a well!! (read. LUO JING XIA SHI)
i swear. i can sense all of that from her evil sms. :(
as minutes passed i was getting panicky
I DONT WANT TO GET STUCK IN SERANGOON LEH!! I WANNA GO HOME!!
thank goodness. i remembered a good soul living in/near serangoon.
SEAN!!
that nice boy. told me to meet him at serangoon MRT and he'd accompany me to the bus stop where there's 22 home.

okwaitaminute.
got mrt right?
so why am i still panicking?

haha. i don't like taking mrts lah. no seats.


okay i forgive you if you wanted to slap me.

anyway to cut a long story short, i met him, we went to the bus stop where there was supposed to be the bus, realised there wasn't, walked three more bus stops, realised that perhaps we were really quite lost, took cab to upper aljunied rd, and i took 22 home. yay. uneventful. :)

when actually all i could have done was walk straight on to serangoon central (which was basically 5 minutes away from the mrt station) and take 22.
instead i wasted a whole lot of time and ended up reaching home at 5.30. when i left school at 3.




life's boring.

and you can mug for GP. it's certified workable. that sucks. :(
cos some people got 34 for compre from mugging and i didn't get 34. :(
like what they say
sia lar.
byebye B3.
oh and i have realised that my results are all inversely proportional to the amount of time and effort i've put in. what rubbish.
good for the not-much-effort-ones of course.
bad because i'm going to end up extremely broke at the end of this year.


go to kennysia.com for some great laughs. he writes well. perhaps you can improve your GP while you're at it instead of watching that pointless plotless tong xin yuan on tv. :)

the existence of a majority logically implies a corresponding minority.
-Philip. K. Dick-


who? you ask.
you did watch the steven spielberg adaptation of his story yesterday did you?
fantastic stuff. :)
the book's a different story though.
i missed the movie at the cinemas 3 years ago, and i wasn't happy at all because just about everybody told me how great the movie was.
so i went to get the book.
and i forgot to read it. until last saturday. -____-
i took it out to read, in anticipation of an exciting and captivating thriller.
only to have the story end 43 pages later.
like "huh? WTH!"
i frantically flipped the book once through.
no leh! different stories already!

and there in the introduction pages, was my answer.
"Minority Report blah blah blah.. because it is not itself a novel, we have included in this book a variety of short stories.."

i've been conned :(
but never mind. the movie was great anyway.



indeed, how true it is. a majority would naturally indicate the existence of a minority.
and i shall be one of the minority. for certain cases. (well of course, i wouldn't want to be the minority when everyone else gets good results. doh)
-smirks-
i will not fault. i will not fail. i will not make the mistakes others have made.
the rest may have failed. but i will not.

i shall be one of the minority. :)





pleasant day it was. pleasant weather and pleasant surprises. (ie. my arse has been saved. my head will not roll this time round. very good heh heh)
and so i was pleasant and nice to everyone around, including to people i dislike and usually won't even give a second glance.
cos I'M IN A GOOD MOOD! HAHA!
and it's really not too bad a thing to be in such a good mood. because happy people make other people happy. yayy. and in the process i would probably accumulate good karma. and the thought itself makes me even happier. oh a lovely cycle indeeeeed. :D



on a sidenote. aren't british econs lecturers a total breath of fresh air??
admit it.
you can't possibly tell me you love econs lecturers who stare at their laptops and read from their screens, then occasionally stopping for you to copy some irrelevant stuff into your notes.
you can't possibly tell me that you haven't fallen asleep, not even for five minutes during one of those useless lectures.
all hail british lecturers who keep students awake and happy!
yay. while we're at that, can the school please get more such lecturers for bio chem and maths as well?
thank you very much. your attendance rate would probably increase threefold you know? and your students would finally pay attention during lectures and maybe learn a little something at the end of the day. :)

how can you possibly say that you trust a person a hundred percent when you are constantly wondering what the other person is thinking, when you often think of the "right" things to say lest you accidentally insult that person without meaning to, when you're wondering if the person have been talking about you behind your back albeit no ill intentions. (tsk. i hate the word 'albeit'. i have no idea how i am supposed to use it.)
i think not.
hence i do not trust.
do i look like i trust you with my life?
why is it that people can come to that conclusion?
weird. and funny.
but i think it's tragic that people think that way. because we appear to be, but we are actually not.

-shrugs-
we girls should seriously not think so much.
learn from the guys my friends.
don't they seem happier without all these emotional baggage?
anyway i'm just going to put aside all this rubbish.
cos it's time to study!! (haw haw)
i've nearly screwed up my o levels due to reasons i'd rather forget. (hmm. then again maybe not. maybe i was just too lazy back then)
so this time round. history shalt not repeat itself. or whatever.


i shall be happy :)
and i shall finish 14.2, 14.3, trapezium rule and estimation.
and NMR. (i lagged)
i shall drink more water and get more sleep because i'm going to get sick sooner or later.
i shall regain my healthy appetite (which i've lost this past two weeks no thanks to all the troubling matters)
and i shall mention those things no more. (you know what i mean. so no need to worry anymore yeah?)
:)



i really must hide the collection of sweet valley books. if not i'm not going to get any work done.
really funny that day, when the girls were all discussing about our childhood.
the good ol' years of 1998 and 1999!
when things like
spice girls
boyzone
backstreet boys
were all the rage
and we read books like
sweet valley high!
babysitters club
haha. we were postively shrieking with laughter when we recalled all the long forgotten names.
weren't those days just the best?


okok. i can save the reminiscing for later. back to work.

i have to work hard. i must work hard. i WANT to work hard.


not i never study for bio lor. what the hell. rubbishy marks. so far my bio marks for the past three times have made up a very nice normal distribution curve.
i'm ashamed. :(
never mind. with a little more brain space, a little more perserverance. I WILL FINISH THE BIO SYLLABUS AT LEAST ONCE.

and i will fail chem no more.
-waves hand- i know we haven't got it back yet. but hey, i know where i stand.
and it's all bio's fault anyway. not that i'm stupid :)
econs. haha. JOOOOKE!
cohort average for that bloody case study is 8.
out of 30.
which is bloody high already since i should be getting about less than half of that.
once again. not our fault. who ask them to give such a rubbish case study.
malaysian economic statistics indeed. like who gives two hoots.

no lah. jesting jesting. as the future marketing director of louis vuitton, i care about such economic statistics very much indeeed.


oh yes. i heard from juniors that a certain old witch had recently criticised my precious zheng group.
quote unquote (direct translation): "you all zheng these few years don't even have any achievements, not invited to perform for any occasions. this year's syf didn't even get gwh!"

haha. and the funniest people around are those who criticise others and fail themselves too. amusing with a capital A.
and why do i say that?
"hmmm. don't know which yuezu, during 2001's syf for ensemble section, got merely a silver..?"
really lah. still want to talk so much. -rolls eyes-
well naturally. she thinks she's the biggest around now, going around poking her nose into other ppl's businesses and making unneccesary comments.
WHATEVER.

i shall sleep early today. then maybe for once i'd have more than 6 hours of sleep.

yay us :) anyway do check out my psuedo french manicured nails in the next pic hoho. 

yuexin's loveellyyy present 

me n jiayin!  

the birthday girl! 

my dear girl.
it's about time you realised that
times have changed.
and people have changed too.
some people are no longer who they used to be.
people who were once nice to you
are no longer this way.
great pals are no more than mere aquaintances
perhaps even less than that.
nothing more than a cursory glance
and if you're lucky, a curt nod.
it's maddening of course. sometimes even tragic.
but what are we to do. we are all victims of circumstances (thanks for the quote dom :))

it's not that you can't let go of the past.
it's merely the good times and memories that keep you hanging on.
blind hope i suppose?
that someday, somehow everything would be the same again.
sometimes you recall the special moments
and it's more than enough to make you want to cry.
and sometimes, you imagine to yourself what it would be like
to wake up and find that everything is back to what it was before
it's like waking up on christmas morning. :)
yet unfortunately, everything remains just a dream.
a dream which would most likely, never to be fulfiled.
so my friend
it's time to move on.
look back fondly, but stop clinging on to it.
it's too late for amendments.
it's not your fault. neither is it theirs.
blame it on the changing of time then.
someday, you would find others who would care for and understand you just as much.





mood's preetty blue again. even after a great birthday outing.
(happy birthday dear yuexin!)
first was the fantastic reminder that this would be the last day of fun before we all retire to our books.
god. the prelims timetable is killer. i will never ever be able to finish the syllabus, let alone be familiar with it.
next i'm down for bloody chem remedial which is no surprise anyway but i just don't like the fact that even though i didn't fail any chem tests this year, in the eyes of stupid chanks i'm still the same sucky student from last year. like it's not his fault. -rolls eyes-
oh whatever. it's just a matter of sooner or later anyway.
up next! oh. don't you just adore bio? where you study your brains out, it's still no use because when even S paper students can fail to do well for the structured qns section, you can jolly well sit tight and wait for your failure of a paper.

and gosh. i've come to realise that i've become such a cynic when it comes to friendships.
it just drives me up the wall.
people whom you once thought had the potential to be a real confidante
they change the moment once a girl comes into the picture.
oh. it irks me to no end.
or else, they just don't give you enough reason to trust them wholeheartedly.
i used to say there were four friends i could trust my life with.
out of this four, only 3 still stands. tragic indeed. and the best thing is that i don't even get to see the other 3 much cos we're all in different schools.
of course, i'm thankful for new friends i've found these days
but why can't i have the best of both worlds? whyeeeeee???
ha.ha.
cos it obviously doesn't work this way.

i've had enough of lamenting.
i can't be more weary and tired than i already am.

good morning.
i definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.
and when that happens, i'd be extra pissed off about things that i'm pissed off at/was pissed off at.
in particular, what i've mentioned in the previous entry.
since it's not exactly convenient to type out what really happened, i'd just have to put it subtlely.
(oh. but i would have you know that subtlety ain't my strength. so sorry :))



i do understand that the younger ones don't think much of what the seniors say
mainly because
1. they think they know their juniors better
2. some of them don't have much respect for some of us. (i didn't say ALL. don't deny it. cmon lah. who doesn't know)
3. we all know what happened when a certain senior insisted having her way and caused such a disaster.
so yeah.
i really understand!
like you, we were juniors too.
i totally loathed it when at that point of time, some people just kept pushing their own direct jrs into the com
not because they were particularly outstanding
but.. oh guess what. i don't even know why! perhaps to have more of the jrs in the com perhaps?
and if i recalled correctly
did she say something along the lines of
"why don't you give him/her a chance to try?"
-snicker-
try eh?
well guess what, i've been dying to say this a looooooong time.
NYAH NYAH NYAH. WE TOLD YOU SO! HAHA!
classic.

people tell us that we as a com, did everything correct. the only wrong thing we ever did was.. ( i shan't elaborate further)
oh but excuse me. we did it correct you know. SOME PEOPLE didn't allow us to do it correctly. the only wrong thing we ever did was that we didn't stand up for the things we wanted.
mad i was. and i vowed never to let things go wrong again.

haha. i tried my best. i argued my case. i fought for it. until i got so sickened i gave up.
you see. when people are stubborn, they do not listen to you. there's exactly ZERO point in trying to argue for it.
so i gave way. deep down. i wasn't appeased at all. but because i didn't want to look like an unreasonable demanding senior/i got so tired of wasting my time arguing, i gave way.
within a space of barely 2 months. i gave way twice.
and barely just weeks after the final decision was made.
things started to go wrong. classssic.
they admitted that they didn't feel good about their decision.
they admitted that they might have chosen the wrong one.
and now, they want us to help.
hey sorry. it's not that i don't want to help.
i would of course. but can i just say that it's your own fault?
and what's this? making us clean up the mess you've made?
i totally told you so right??

and now. i only agreed to this decision because you promised that she would be in the com too.
til today, i still hold to my view that what you've chosen is going to cost us bigtime.
i don't see how your decision is going to be able to succeed you. or anyone of us for that matter.
and since i've always been fairly accurate in making decisions of such nature
i should think i'm just a few months away from being to say
i told you so
for the third time.

oh the bloody relief. no more shit work like this in the future.




i realised that i'm not easily appeased.
i may seem so on the surface. but that's only because i don't want to kick up a huge fuss and make things difficult for everyone.
so many a time i just swallow my anger/discontentment and keep my mouth shut.


anyway i've been inspired to work hard and be a good girl.
so ciao.

i believe that no one is perfect.
same as i believe that no one is 100% completely unreadable.

sure, some people are more difficult to understand/read than others
but ultimately
you're only human.
and you would let your emotions get the better of you.

i aspire to be one of those people who are 100% unreadable.
to show no emotions. to be unaffected by all matters. to be completely un-understandable.

you're not as simple as people think you are
neither are you as complicated as you think you are.
some people you rather just not understand at all.
because when they let their guard down
and let slip certain things.
it puts things in a whole new perspective
shows you an entirely different side of the person,
most of the time
shocking.
so you'd rather just pretend you understand what the person's thinking
instead of trying all ways and means to prob.




i'm pretty mad at how some things have been done and settled.
FOUR bloody times i've been through all this rubbish
and three out of the four times
the wrong people have been chosen.
now. will this be the third time i would be able to say (once again. sigh. so what's new?)
I TOLD YOU SO DIDN'T I??
why is it that everytime
people let talents go to waste
then just complain later on when those chosen-ones (haw haw) ultimately screw up.
i'm just glad that i'd be no more part of this shit anymore.
don't come around complaining you know.
it's your own fault.
后果自负！

i guess i have a bad habit of being melodramatic.
i told jy what i meant by my previous entry
and i think she actually looked quite shocked.
"that's all??"
okay she didn't say that. but i guessed.
because i think i erm, grossly exaggerated as usual
haha. i enjoy making mountains out of molehills. rather fun trying to think up of new vocab don't ya think?
yup so nothing happened of course. i was just being the usual drama queen i am.
haha!
oh dear. how many people want to smack me now for wasting those few precious minutes of their lives?



and speaking of wasting my life away.
i must have wasted at least half an hour of my life today by watching the CO presentation at SCH.
hey, since this would be the last ever time i'm going to address this very niggling and exasperating issue, i'd just be frank with you.
first things first, dhsco was the best. no doubt. full stop. okay next point.

some people seriously have just redefined the meaning of
KANASAI.
next time if there were to be a Singlish dictionary, look under kanasai and perhaps there would be a nice picture of this orchestra playing today at SCH.
i was torn between breaking down in exasperated tears and laughing helplessly.
gosh.
you have just surpassed all our expectations.
i swear, i'd never have expected you to be that incredibly lousy. (hey. a great oxymoron if there was ever one)
i mean, we all know you suck. but to that extent? whew. not yet.
well, just let me say something to the zheng solo of this orchestra.
the next time you decide to play a solo in an orchestral piece, would you kindly please at least tune your instrument first, and for gods sakes look at that conductor of yours when you obviously can't even follow the beat properly.
hey what can i say
they've just proven themselves
to be the best representative of how an orchestra should NEVER be like.
poor wesley. he was looking on in disbelief.
"how...? how...? why????"
cy put it most aptly. some people richer than us what. (haarh? i got say anything meh?)

and nope. i'm not exaggerating now. :)
ask away. ask anyone!

an evening of mediocrity (save for the two of course) indeed.

the most difficult thing
is not being able to say out what you really want to say
because there's nobody around that seems to understand
so you just keep it all inside
and it eats you up from in there.


you hold it in, until you can hold it in no more.


hence poor wil got a whole load of ranting from me today.
like -blublubblublublublublub-
because i got sick and tired and downright nauseated in trying to hold it in any longer. wait. that doesnt sound right but whatever.
believe me. i AM NAUSEATED. my stomach actually TURNS. not FLIPS mind you. TURNS.
revolted.
repulsed.
i am this close <--> to blowing up/throwing up(haha) one of these days.



and so hence thanks to exasperating matters like these i'm perpetually in a bad mood nowadays.
which doesnt bode well of course when there are even more annoying things like papers to worry about.


---------------------------------------------------------------
you've done it once,
now i suppose you want to do it again?
purely coincidental?
or purely intentional?
what's all this man. i'm sick of it.
i've worked hard to achieve what i've achieved
i've worked hard to get to where i am today
don't for a moment think that your puny efforts can get you half the results i've attained.
but you don't seem to understand that of course.
you still attempt to sabotage MY efforts.

and usually i would just laugh off your pathetic attempts

but i can't.

because like i've said before. when the seemingly impossible doesn't seem to be so impossible after all.
it terrifies me.
because it signifies the beginning of my failure.
the slowly but surely crumbling of all my years of hard work, all going to naught.
and what can i do? nothing.
but sit and pray that you do not succeed
because that would be the end of me.
---------------------------------------------------------------





dhsco up for performance tomorrow. how very degrading to perform all that lousy place. but whatever, because they would still SHINE. :)
am watching them of course, perhaps bringing along a carton of rotten eggs to throw at certain people. who don't even deserve to perform at such a lousy location. pui!
oh wait. waste of money and eggs.
well, they are just going to embarrass themselves, so no need for that.
sit back and laugh perhaps, that's what i'm going to do.
no, kidding again.
i'd just leave after dhsco and hcco then, it's 3 bucks only anyway.

eric! wo men yong yuan zi chi ni!! -waves poms poms-




blarh. i wanted madrid to win. cos i'm biased and i want raul to like singapore and come here more often :(
that aside, even though it's none of my business, i wanted paris to win
double :(
stupid beckham.



maybe someday you'd look up
and barely conscious, you'd say to no one
"isn't something missing?"




-edit-

perhaps i think too much?
but i wonder how many of you actually read into the previous entry?
i'd like to think more of you of course, don't take that reason away.
oh gosh. i seriously wonder how some of you think sometimes.

just a piece of advice for the many people out there:

NEVER SAY NEVER.


don't say i never warn you okay.
don't even try that.
because haha! you'd end up regretting what you've said.


for example, NEVER say "i'd never get this kind of marks for blah blah blah" because you WOULD. (but of course if you said you'd never get this kind of good marks and you really did, congratulations then. try doing it more often)


the most unlucky thing that can happen to you subsequently of course, is to have what you've said to come and bite you where it hurts.


that was why a long long time ago when some people ask me if i would ever blah-blah-blah-blah, i said
"i dunno" instead of the "of course not!"
because how can i ever predict what the future would be like!
because i wouldn't want to regret what i've ever said, and then end up feeling like a total idiot.



so remember. NEVER SAY NEVER.









finally talked to one of my favourite people in the world today!
darn that stupid wil. now i'm absolutely regretting not taking mep in tj. :(
i haven't quite laughed so hard lately.
-sighs-
and you know it's because of these people that sometimes you wonder if you'd made the right decision in coming to veejay.






by the way,
how many of you people actually know who is this?

gorgeous yes?
now. why would anyone want beckham when you have.





RAUL.

granted, he does look weirder now with the long locks.

but gorgeous still, nevertheless yes?

god. look at those EYES!

swooooooon.

beckham who?

quick men's finals today.
well, it's kinda expected anyway.
roddick is not quite a match for federer.

alright. i'm not trying to be some tennis expert, only started watching this wimbledon anyway.
boy the joys of watching teeeeveeeeee.
20eps in 2 days. lovely:)






certain things i've seen. it makes me literally shudder with disgust.
i've already given up trying to analyse some people.
i don't try to read into what they say/do too much
but sometimes i really wonder if the seemingly impossible can actually happen.
and if that impossible really happened
what am i going to do.

i loathe the feeling of mistrust and paranoia.

haha. i am no longer irritable.

which means i'm back to my bored stoned half-asleep state.

ho-hum.

so hey did you mean everything you said in the previous entry??

sure i did, but unfortunately i didn't even type what i wanted to say (ie. all the analogies were wrong and that jessie doll example thingie was waaay out)
hence all the stuff are, ultimately, rubbish. haha!


hummmmmmmmmmmm.

tired i am.
i watched the wimbledon women finals til 1.30.

i shall go have a nap then.

-drums fingers-

okay. i'm feeling irritable right now.

-drums fingers more-

very very very irritable indeeed.

-ponders-

why the hell am i feeling irritable??!

there's no reason for irritability!!

there are no more tests!! (at least for the next 2 weeks)

i have a bloody long weekend ahead!!! (fine. or at least i have 2 more days as of now)

SO I HAVE ZERO REASON TO BE IRRITABLE. I WOULD HAVE MORE TIME FOR THAT AFTER I SEE MRS LIM'S FACE WHEN SHE RETURNS MY PAPERS.



SO.
why am i irritable.
i.
am.
feeling.
irritable.
I.

R.

R.

I.

T.

A.

B.

L.

E.

i am, in fact, so irritable that i want everyone who's reading this (yar all five of you) to be just as irritated as i am, by the incessantly annoying way i'm typing.


LIkE This! WhEeEEE! YoU sO tOTalLY Can SEe whAT I aM tYpinG nO? yEs? NoNo yeSyES???
i jUSt LovE to TypE liKe thiS!! so niCE anD plEasiNg and CuTesy Yes No?
thEN iF i TyPE thE whOle pAge LIkE thiS i beT evRyonE juST wAntS to REaD it!
moRE sO in fRiEndSTer LeHhhHH!! cuZ onLY cUte anD aCT chIO giRLs tyPE likE thiS anD so mAnY guYs liKE lEhhhhh :):):):):):):):).



blardy hell.

oh yes i digressed.

WHY i am feeling irritable..

















































































haha! like you care. go sleep or something lah.




-edit-

then i realised this wouldn't quite do.
cos i wanna continue typing.
so i'm irritable







basically because i'm having a bad case of deja vu.
like a seriously baaaaad. and you know it because you can feel it, and you feel it in your fingers, you feel it in your toeesssss, that christmas is all around yooouuu...



like i was saying, you feel it, and you totally just detest and loathe that feeling.
because the last time you had this feeling
the situation sure wasn't pretty.

so i'm feeling like an overcooked piece of noodle. what a very fitting analogy, come to think of it.
and i feel like one which has been stepped on by many people a few thousand times.
flaccid.
limp.
flat.
mushed up.
and stupid-looking.

and i feel used too.






i feel..
like i'm one of those collectibles.
you know, where you get bought up and displayed, along with all the other so-called special limited collectibles.
not because your owner actually likes you all that much.
not because you're so special
but because having that collection mean that that darned collector of yours can have something to show off.

-hmm.-

okay guess what i suck at analogies after all.
i reread that previous paragraph and i didn't express what i wanted to portray.
whatever.
lit student i am not.


oh i know.
i feel like that jessie doll from toy story 2.
:(
oh woe is me!

i shall wallow in self-pity.





speaking of self-pity. you know what's the stupidest thing i've ever got closest to doing??
weird train of thought eh?
(self-pity --------> so damn kelian--------> i feel really kelian-------> the last time i felt so kelian-------> i nearly did something dumb. oh not so no-link after all. and no i didn't contemplate suicide either siao lar you)


the last time i felt so devastated
hm.
heavy word.
the last time i felt so horrid,
i nearly wanted to
haha!
write a song.
(now. don't laugh. you)
you must understand that at that point of time, with no less than almost 4 years of training as a.. erm MEP student, forced to compose a 5 minute composition from scratch (because i really didn't want to do a 30 page long essay on traditional myanmar music or what bullcrap) was sheer torture.
especially when on a day when you have zero inspiration.
especially when you're both westerned, and chinese-classically trained. (ahhem. self-promotion.)

oh oh digression can??!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

just that other day we all realised that
some people are just shameless and downright disgusting.
YES YOU.
you know who you are.
boy i sure don't give a damn whether you were/are my junior or not.
once and for all i'm here to say.
YOU ARE A JERK
if you dare to say those things you did
then you can dare to not ever step foot at our terrain again (hoho! i'm so sorry. i cannot think of another word)
but of course you do
because you have nowhere else to go
and you're just a smug little piece of whatever with no guts.
with the exception of stabbing others in the back.
sorry loser you are.

and speaking of which
i also realised the prestige of joining a certain organization. can't say names lah. later get slammed by own people. :(
and frankly speaking, i sure wouldn't mind.
because if i ever wanted to go that career path professionally
that's the only way i can ever go.
ah. the PRESTIGE.
never mind me, i'm just day dreaming.

and since i digressed while i was digressing, i shall go back to my main pt.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

but anyway my point in digression when i reached the blah-blah-blah-trained part was that i wanted to go a little self-advert in case the relevant people are reading this.
no lah. i'm kdding.
i just want to haolian.
hmm but well, if you are one of those relevant people from the relevant organizations, i would just like to say, in all modesty and honesty, i can sightread pretty well and i can pick up any instruments within 2 weeks. i love challenges :) especially ones that other stupid so-called musicians with-zero-musical-sense can't do :)
oops sorry! musn't be bitchyy. later people not happy
-deadpan look-




BACK TO WHERE I WAS. finally.
i was so devastated and traumatised that i really wanted to write a song. ala david tao in melody. 那时无法为你写的那首歌，是我永远的遗憾 blah blah.
not that it would be of any good of course, but just to get it off my chest.

but obviously i didn't in the end.

because
1. too many things to say, song would be too long.
2. i had zero inspiration for any musical ideas.
3. that would be a waste of time
4. i can't get pass using alberti bass lah. bloody irritating. you see why i don't really fancy playing classical pieces?
5. and since i can't get pass using that, anything with alberti bass would sound too childish and that wasnt exactly my aim.


yeah. and that was probably the closest stupid thing i nearly did.

sad case lah.
i'm not really a music talent after all. i can't compose for nuts. :(
even kindly old mdm ong tells me that it's because of my instrument that i got a distinction for higher music.
hence implying that i probably screwed up my childish-composition-with-an-alberti-bass-in-a-minor-key.

oh WOE IS ME!











and if you managed to read every single word of this entry and reach here.
congratulations!
you must be very bored. and boliao.


anyway i must go and sleep and try to get my body clock back into the normal state again.

boy do i love long leisurely days with nothing to do except for reading silly books and watching reruns of shows, and with kbox to look forward to later on.

this is life. :)

couldnt get to sleep yesterday, and i woke up waaaay to early. my biological clock is screwed up no thanks to block tests.
so i read a nice new book by sophie kinsella (i hear all you shopaholic fans cheering!)
and i just love feel good books like these.
i mean sure, there's no deeper meaning to it, you know it's going to end happily and you can even expect what's going to happen,
but you still read it
cos it makes you feel really good after that.
and besides i'm a sucker for pretty covers. speaking of judging a book by its cover. hoho.
oh yes i did finish it. in 3 hours. all 300 odd pages of it.
ahh. the powers of speed reading.
you finish the comprehension in 5 minutes, you start on the questions and you realise that you know nothing about the passage. :)
bad habit i know.
and that's why i can pretty much stare at my bio notes the whole day and don't have the slightest idea what the hell i'm reading.



oh yes no mentioning about those lousy papers.




i LOVE BEING IDLE!!!