It's most amazing what a quiet night in with the extended family as opposed to cavorting around town can do for your soul. I feel exponentially better now :) Nevertheless, it's a cold and gloomy and strangely peaceful day out and this feels apt.
Hold on, don't be scared, you'll never change what's been and gone.
LOL however this is no way applies to me because I am not actually that melodramatic.
I think we can all safely conclude that I am pretty fucking ridiculous. I don't really have anything I want to say, except that I seriously deserve the things I get myself into sometimes. Whatever the case, I will mope and drown my sorrows in Radiohead and whisky until the end of the year, and then I will cut my losses and pull myself together and be fucking professional, because really, that's the last place I need any bullshit. I will deal with you like how I've dealt with every other bullshit things in life. It's unfortunate that it's so closely tied to work, but it'll be gone by 2012. And like they all say: this too, shall pass.
Until then
And since I'm being ridiculous, I'm allowed to be melodramatic too, in which case I think I'm entitled to a little more bitching about how all of this wouldn't have happened if not for the fact that I've essentially been forced into going for something I wasn't even supposed to have gone for. And if not for that, it wouldn't have snowballed into something that actually seemed realistic. But you know what, it's too fucking late for that and the next course of action really, is to just cut my losses.
I honestly don't know why I'm not feeling more joy about this. I mean, I am thrilled, and so grateful about this, but maybe some small part of me has already seen this coming because, come on now, I'm so fucking hardworking. And maybe also I'm still feeling the creative burnout :p Nevertheless, I'm endlessly grateful to the superiors who put in a good word for me, for the validation, and for finally, the unbelievably generous pay raise and giving me the pay that can rival what people my age are actually earning. So, not really overworked and underpaid anymore I guess? Overworked, sure. But not really underpaid :) Could not have asked for a better bunch of people to work for, to be honest. Sure, there'll be times where I get pissed off and frustrated but hey, I'm fucking lucky considering what I do, and where I am.
Well, never thought I'd say this but, I think I'm officially burned out. Thanks a lot, Christmas and New Year. Everything I've written so far in the past couple of weeks have been abysmal and I'm just getting more and more pissed off with myself. I need a break, and when I say break, I don't mean going on leave and still working from home. I mean actually NOT doing or even thinking about work.