Things People Should Learn


1. to keep their mouths shut when results are given out. if your results are good and you go around sneering and jeering at others, people will say you're haolian. but if it's just the opposite, people are going to think you're nuts and want to smack your face.

and just to illustrate my point, sometimes i really feel mad on junhong's behalf. his -coughcough- friends from some class, every single bloody time they see him, they go, "eh 4As already ah?".
no harm in that i suppose, i've been prone to doing that whenever i see people like damien heh.
but when they go beyond that and say, "oh i win you by two marks yayyyy!!!!" or something like "aiyo 你也有这一天!” when they get higher marks than him for maths (which is already 85, no wonder so haolian lah) i feel like asking them to please shut the hell up.



2. to not be so cocky to the extent of turning condescending.
goodness gracious.
i'd like to think that justice has been served, but i shall keep my mouth shut before i exemplify my own example. and before i jinx myself.
yes i believe in that.
and i also believe that there's indeed karma.
you laugh at me, you get it right back in yer face.
and anyway i have more sense than to believe that my one last hope of a subject won't let me down. again.



3. to be more open towards other people's opinions, no matter how 'beneath yourself' you make out that person to be.

i've only recently realised how annoying that is.
and then i wonder if that was exactly the way i was back in my sec school days.
when my favourite mep teacher (excuse me while i choke) gave me 39/50 for my first instrument practical, goodness knows how long i ranted about that.
"how dare she! just because she was from CO she thinks she knows all about CO instruments!!"
yah. for weeks and weeks, i kaobei-ed so much i think my poor friends were permanently traumatised. (wilfred still likes to remind me about it)
and anyway for the record, all ended well when she gave me 44/50 for the same piece for prelims :)
but the point was that, i think i was a little over the top with my own self-confidence, that i went to the extent of being cocky.
not good.
i should seriously learn to be more receptive towards opinions.
which is more than i can say for some.



4. to stop making no-link comments. i will not explain.


5. to actually practice what they preach.


6. to NOT read into what i type.


a very pissifying two days in conclusion.
in contrary to being upset, i'm actually pissed off this time around. which is good actually. anger motivates more than sadness. :)

and highly likely, it's bye-bye econs. yar great thanks, to only letting me down at the most crucial point of time.

and anyway since i'm pissed off at alot of things, i'd just like to make this entry really annoying by pasting the lyrics of a really irritating song by the now defunct-thank-god M2M.
it would be better if i could play the song here, but i'd just have to do with this.
ya. that's all for today. u can stop reading here.

VERSE 1
Well I wonder could it be
When I was dreaming 'bout you baby
You were dreaming of me
Call me crazy, call me blind
To still be suffering is stupid after all of this time

PRE-CHORUS 1
Did I lose my love to someone better
And does she love you like I do
I do, you know I really really do

CHORUS
Well hey
So much I need to say
Been lonely since the day
The day you went away
So sad but true
For me there's only you
Been crying since the day
The day you went away

VERSE 2
I remember date and time
September twenty secondSunday twenty five after nine
In the doorway with your case
No longer shouting at each other
There were tears on our faces

PRE-CHORUS 2

And we were letting go of something special
Something we'll never have again
I know, I guess I really really know

CHORUS

The day you went away
The day you went away

PRE-CHORUS 1

CHORUS

BRIDGE

Why do we never know what we've got 'til it's gone
How could I carry on
The day you went away
Cause I've been missing you so much I have to say
Been crying since the day
The day you went away
The day you went away
The day you went away



COMPLETE with annoying repeated lyrics and errors leh!

have a nice weekend.



-edit-

i should have realised the consequences of allowing it into my life.
not yet fully recovered.
vulnerable.
yet i still risked it.
and now i'm stuck.
who to blame but myself.
before i knew it, it was already too late.
sometimes i smile at the memory.
the memory of myself
smiling. a reflex action.
i caught myself. but not in time.
already sunk.
something simple, turned out so much more complicated.
mutating into something ugly.
i still have a long long way to go.

I Realised (yes again)


that i never really recorded down those outings/gatherings.
not good. because i usually then forget all about them until somebody brings it up.

well in any case if you're actually interested (haha), the past few days were
GOOD.

thursday was spent watching The Cave (boring), eating (very filling) and hanging out at lydia's house (very nice. considering that every past trip there was to study)
friday was kbox with the usual gang. and as usual everyone laughed at liren.
on saturday my eyes nearly died when we continued with our vcds (from after block tests no less!) from 11am to 7pm. lovely :)
sunday i was still suffering from post-exam-cum-vcd-exhaustion. recuperated at home good ol' harry potter. and reruns of lost and ANTM. not helping of course.
ditto for monday.
gathering with my favourite com on tuesday at ah li's house. only 7 of us were there but i think szelang made up for it by being twice as loud and crazy. my sides nearly split. then again what's new? :D
today i'm being childish and playing maple story.

yay end of it all.

You Win. I Lose.


a couple of realisations.


one.
rumours are convincing. very convincing.
if one person tells you something, you would listen, but part of you would still hold back and wonder if there was any truth in it.
but when more than one person tells you the same thing, you're more inclined to believe it.
and as it goes on, the effect is cumulative.
and before you know it,
the whole world is convinced about that thing.
and they're so convinced that, even though they probably do not even have the slightest idea about what's going on, they're so caught up in their own self-important opinions, they just have to believe that it is true.
and then they would most probably just spread it on.

nah. am not going to roll my eyes.

in fact, perhaps i could say i have been guilty of similar mistakes.
so i can hardly get angry that people just like to gossip can't i?

she's just lucky that i'm no longer mad at her.
but seriously, the things that people do when they're at loggerheads with each other.

i'm more of amused than anything else.
people are just so convinced.
they're so convinced that what they hear is 100% true.
and others are so convinced that once a girl dislikes another girl, it has to be because of a guy.
what happened to "i just plain kan bu shuang her" or "i can't stand the way she acts"?
anything wrong with those?
which in actual fact, were true?

now if they were convinced about something that's actually true
i'd probably be more worried.
in fact, once upon a time, i would get so pissed off, i would probably have declared loudly on my blog that
NO IT'S NOT THAT PERSON FOR GODS' SAKE, IT'S (well you know what i mean)
but right now, i would just shrug and shake my head.
got point meh? and as if it's that big a matter anyway.


people, people.


my friend got me in a bit of a mild panic when she told me (ominously) that i should call her asap, preferably when i was in a good mood.
i was like
"oh dear. what now?"
but after i heard all of the above,
i was really quite amused, more than anything else.
like, hi? get over it. it has been almost a year since the person made the comment, and now you're still talking about it?

oh sorry. i probably should not have said "get over it".
people react negatively towards that.

yes yes say whatever you like. you're entitled to your own gossip.



ahem.

well for realisation no. 2
my dear pal wil is probably the one person who has the uncanny knack of knowing what i'm thinking of.
like yesterday when i was asking him to guess something, he went, almost accusingly
"you're only asking me to guess because blah blah blah blah RIGHT?"
i blanched.
(okay lah. not so serious. nothing he doesn't know anyway)
but i was pretty shocked to realise how readily he can make me admit something which i don't even like to admit to myself.
even though i hurriedly chided him for even thinking that was what i was thinking,
inside i was going
"damn. that guy's sharp"

(haha. i hope he's not reading this.)


and then i remember the times back in those MEP classes during which we would play the silly name games,
he and fai were so convinced about this thing (and this time around, it was actually something true alright?)
they would repeat it to me over and over again
and write it on my notes.
(jeez. i still have those vandalised notes with fai's favourite word -________-)
and even though i've never ever even breathed a word about it to either of them.
they just knew it all along.

it's eerie. o_o




have you ever wondered why people do things that they know would surely annoy themselves, yet they still go ahead with doing it, no reasons whatsoever?
i just did that.
by reading somebody's blog.

can someone pleeease explain to me since when has "my" become "mai"??
Eh?
if it serves as a short-form, i get it.
but "mai"?? "larx"??
it does nothing but conjure up images of prepubescent chao ah lians trying to aCt kAwAiI.
please don't do it. it's disturbing.
and it's even more disturbing when the blog belongs to someone you know, and previously had a good impression of.
and now, she's not any different from one of those ah lians whining about the same things that ah lians like to whine about.


well since today is going to be the last day of freedom and enjoyment, i'm going to be childish and play a game which all prepubescent ah lians and bengs like to play.

maple story. -grins-

Me and The Person I Can't Stand


i obviously have a great dislike for her.
she doesn't seem to like me too much either.

i'm most inclined to roll my eyes right at her face
she completely ignores me when she sees me.

i'm in this school.
she's not. thank god.

we were never friends. and unlikely that we would ever be.

but god.
if she knew, how alike we are.

how truly similarly stupid can two totally polar characters be.
and that would probably be the one and only thing we would ever have in common.

sheer stupidity.

In Just A Space of Three Weeks..


i have,
managed to break down in tears from sheer exhaustion and frustration from studying bio and econs. two days consecutively.

i have,
managed to forget just about most of the things i've studied in less than a week.

i have,
managed to screw up just about every single paper.

i have,
considered dropping bio. or econs. or maths. or bio. hmm. no maybe it's econs. no it's bio! nono. econs now. but i hate maths more. how.
(and the only reason why i didn't consider chem is because i have tuition for it, and it wouldn't do to throw all that money down the drain yah?)

i have,
guessed my way through the chem mcq paper. i should think i would get about 5 marks.



i'm dead.

but just for this one week, i'm not going to care.

i have been averaging on about 4.5 hours of sleep everyday. for the past three bloody weeks.
i do not need this kind of life.





anyway i should think rj students are extremely cool. judging by the things they write in their chem paper.

question: describe and explain how this compound was synthesised from that compound blah blah blah.
answer (1): by magic.
answer (2): it's impossible.


HAHA.



well if you would excuse me.
i'm going to
1. read archies until my eyeballs fall out of their sockets.
2. read harry potter and the half blood prince
3. watch all my tapes of ANTM and lost.
4. not think about my results.



good grief. i found the MEP O level set piece cd.
for all ye ignoramuses, that's this piece which you basically have to listen over and over and over and over and (i can go on) over again until every single waking moment, you're hearing the piece, to the extent that when just a small segment of the piece is played, you MUST be identify WHICH section it is, WHAT key, RELATIONSHIP to the original theme and a thousand other things which i cannot remember.
:)
the good ole days eh.
i listened to this one piece from clementi to bedok once. 90 minute journey divided by 11 minutes. you do the maths.


and anyway after this whole round of exams, i've come to realise that i absolutely abhor people who look down on others.
do not give me that condescending look, idiot.



(i just keep adding on stuff)
some things, i WILL NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN.
bloody karma.
i should jolly well just admit it, YES, and keep my mouth shut.

Screwed Is..


me after prelims.

oh sorry there's just absolutely no doubt about it.

I.
Am.
So.
Bloody.
Screwed.

gosh. i'm so screwed that even the easy papers i screw them up. BLOODY HELL MAN!
i feel like kicking some ass now. literally.
damn you bloody bio. i'm going to kick your ass tomorrow you see if i don't.


by the way i'm having an inexplicable hatred towards certain people nowadays. yes yes so what's new right?
well rather than cause any misunderstandings, let's just say that it's actually only one person and most unfortunately i have to see this person every single day because the person has the same exam venue as me. fortunately contact has been minimal.

oh sorry. like you care.


and in the midst of all that studying i actually have time to still sulk about how the education system sucks. (such that stupid people can go memorise whole stupid gp essays and throw them down.)
thus if this time round, people like -COUGHCOUGHCOUGH- are going to get higher marks than me, it's all due to fantastic memory skills and not because they're actually better than me in gp.
oh but then again. i probably screwed up my gp essay as well.

is there nothing that i did okay??

i'm so screwed :(


i think if this continues on, i might as well quit school, go get my diploma cert in piano and guzheng then go yamaha and teach. :(

teach piano lah. what else. easy money for easy job because their parents are actually gullible enough to believe that by sending their kids to music schools they would actually become prodigies.


-grumble-


i cannot believe i have to go through all this shit again after a week.
i'm sick of exams.
it doesn't feel like it's the last paper tomorrow.

well technically it isn't until 24.11.05. that is if i'm not dropping bio.
-curses-

I Probably Shouldn't Be Saying This But..


to all those losers out there who use other people's names to tag on others' tagboards.
well i've got this much to say to you

three alphabets in fact.



K
N
N



i'm so sorry i swore. but this is completely a one-off thing. and the person is completely deserving of that.


lowlifelosers.



(ahem. in the event that whoever it is, just happened to have the same name as me (yeah right), i still am not taking back what i've said because the person is still a lowlifejerk who obviously have nothing better to do (no need to study AH?) except going around to insult other people -spits-)


and anyway i do not tag on my friends' tagboards. only when they ask me about something in their entries. or when they insult my friends for no apparent reason.
SO THERE.

You Know You're Studying Too Much When:



1. you look at your notes for two minutes, then you go back to reading archie comics.

2. you use your (ahem) new phone to take nonsensical pictures and (!) video clips for your notes.

3. you loathe friedman and keynes. with a vengeance.

4. you desperately want to find out who's the lecturer for transport in mammals, because you really want to tell him/her that he/she really sucks. and really lazy.

5. you get hungry every hour.

6. you need your caffeine fix to stay awake.

7. you realise that Yaz of class 95 has already gone home and you're still studying. and she's the last shift.

8. you laugh uncontrollably at things which are not funny. (for example, when my sister told me that TTK, being TTK, asked the jrs if there was a change in education system, that the more pts for L1R5, the better, i laughed so hard that.. er i couldn't stop laughing. hm. then again it probably sounded funnier in chinese)

9. you laugh at archie comics too.

10. you start humming tunelessly for no reason. thus scaring your sister because you're doing this in the middle of the night. or shall i say morning?

11. and anyway you sleep in the morning and wake up in the morning.



sorry. no cure for these symptoms. go back to your notes hor.

When the Going Gets Tough


like when my kid neighbour starts banging on his piano for the umpteen time, the same song, the same mistakes, over and over and over and over again, and for some reason, the music (if you still can call that) sounding like it's just next to me...

i throw down my notes, go downstairs to my piano, and bang right back. (at least it's music hor.)


-silence-


appeased, i go back to my studying.


i don't like talking to/hanging around people who make me feel inadequate.
like,
yeah i know i'm not as smart as you and all
don't make it look/sound so obvious can.
am i the only person left around here who can say
"wa lau. my results suck"
and mean it?
because some people say "boohoo. my midyear results suck lah."
when they actually mean
"i got AAAO OH NO SO SAD!!"
or some equally nonsensical rubbish.

thanks man.

not that anyone has said that to me recently of course. i just heard these from different people.


anyway i do believe that the S2 people are either all going to die soon, or are already dead. if not you're potato, or junhong, or some other random smart ass.

IT MAKES ME SICK


when people whom you originally thought much better of, go and do things that are just plain, SICKENING.

fine i'm in no position to judge.





i'm having particularly strong feelings towards this because

I HAD A BLOODY NIGHTMARE YESTERDAY.

i kid you not. these are the stuff nightmares are made up of. not ghouls or whats-not.
the really terrifying nightmares are those which reflect your true fears.
those where every single thing you've ever dread of happening in your life, happens.
it's not fun.
i woke up feeling uneasy the whole day.
and i can tell you
it was so real that i could feel all the hatred coming back into place all at once.
well what was it?
let's just say it had something to do with one of your closest friends backstabbing you over the very person that you used to hate.

i never ever felt so relieved when i woke up.
because the horror, the shock and the hurt was too real.
plus that jerk smirked at me. *$&*@!!

note: 'jerk' is gender inspecific.


crap. now i'm in a bad mood again.
-grumble-


and anyway i think alot of people are starting to realise that the GP paper qn 7 was a trick qn.
you don't answer the question
you DIE.

fine. i think i'm halfway there already.


i think i deviated from my main pt about why i'm having nasty thoughts about the people who are sickening.
ahem.
my point being.
there's nothing quite like having someone you thought you could trust, not only killing that trust, but also throwing it back into your face.
heaven help me that there would never be such a day.
because one nightmare was real enough for me to want to throw up.



hello i can try to put myself in your shoes to see things from your perspective.
all i can see is lack of self-control, and a lack of conscience
and a lack of very basic values that made you stoop to such a level.
i don't care if there was a 'connection' or whatever
many things are off-limits
this being one of them.


ladies/gentlemen, the last thing you should ever do, if you still want a shred of respect from anyone, is to cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend





note: post has been exaggerated (as usual) to protect -cough- the identities of mentioned people.
it has (as usual) been twisted waaay out of proportion such that it no longer resembles the original story that it is supposed to be.
quit guessing because in reality, the post was almost a made up story.
better still, just take it as a figment of my wild imagination (as usual)

THERE'S NO NEED FOR SINGAPORE TO HAVE ANY COURTESY OR KINDNESS CAMPAIGNS OR WHATEVER...



because singaporeans are obviously overwhelming with love and care for the those who need it.

-scowls-


all i can say is from this incident, we can know that

1. some singaporeans don't know what they're talking about (oh no! we're not voting for him cos we sympathise him! it's because he's visually handicapped yet he can come so far! my god he's so inspiring!) gosh. you've just managed to contradict yourself in the same sentence.

2. some singaporean aunties really have all the money in the world to spend. instead of using your money in the obviously wrong place, why don't you donate it to the, oh say, association for the visually handicapped?

3. one of the record companies must be jumping for joy that they agreed to sign on the runner up. the other one should be cussing left right up down and centre right now.

4. being the runner up is actually better considering the record label. -cough- guomeimei -cough-




anyway we all know where the -cough- winner -cough would end up in a couple of years..



imagine this:

him standing on a stage, mike in hand
next to a piano, playing a slow melancholy tune
him singing
the touchingly sad song
to an audience full of adoring aunties
his hand on the piano
at the end of the song
he spreads out his arm
cue i'm-at-peace grin.



wa lau. fei yu ching.




and anyway i have nothing against the less fortunate.
i only have something against them when they sound like arrogant, self-centered little pricks in their interviews.

bloody annoying.