i heard the syf opening ceremony has been shifted to the singapore conference hall?





-roars with laughter-
-gloats-




oh everything is just so working to our favour!

now those who are undeserving of the chance to perform @esplanade got what they deserve. indeed! nothing more than just SCH!
HAHAHAHAHA!


as for those deserving and are deprived of this chance (ie. dhsco hcco tchsco nyghco)
well..
tough luck. :(





i just remembered that i have performed@esplanade before in the 2003 syf opening ceremony.
i cannot believe i just totally forgot that.
i still have the performers' pass. ha! uber cool. and something which no ordinary person can get.


lalala.


thanks jam mandy sianghan junhong n cindy for presents! lovely lovely lovely!! :D

the principal, without doubt, is the smartest woman around.
knowing that her wrong choice of words yesterday incurred the wrath of the whole school
she actually apologised to us today.
like waaaaaaaah.

very very smart this lady.
she then let us off at 9.50 (just slightly less than the half day we got on wednesday, but everyone was so happy that it was <10am that nobody bargained for more)
and now, she has the hearts of all her students again.



-respect-
knows precisely what her students want and gains their support by giving them what they want. and she's such a good speaker.
no surprise that she's a rgs girl.
clever indeed. very clever.
no one's going to remember what she ever did now.



full day or not, i still had exco meeting. and while the others went out to have fun, we had a nice meeting where are arguments came to naught and the decision was still the same.
annoying it was. but i didn't really care after that. after all, we aren't the ones working with the teachers.
am appeaaaaased :)
then there were rounds and rounds of mahjong my fav.
so late we were that when we left school people were streaming in for the band concert already.

passing down tomorrow.
i thought i would be sad. but i'm not.
not exactly at least.
wonder what's wrong with me.

like jiayin once said, sometimes i like the idea of going to a psychologist.
i want to understand why the hell am i thinking/feeling this way.
because when i try to analyse why, i just drive myself crazy.


boreed.
holidays are here.
holidays=mugging period.
i don't like.




oh yes. thanks poh for lovely earrings :D

i shouldnt generalise too much.


for example i shouldn't have said that all from the champion school yesterday are immature and childish.
i should have realised that 90% of the school being childish does not account for the whole school.
i should just adopt what jiayin once said abt the champion for basketball.
"aiya people once in 20 years. of course excited la"
yeah. "aiya people first time get into finals what, of course excited lah."
and thereafter suffering the curse of disappearing into oblivion after only one finals.


champions are not those who don't fail, but those who don't quit. (yeah. and also those who don't go around jeering and laughing at the losers. only when u can achieve that can you be called a true and deserving champion. but i guess people with low EQ and no morals don't know that.)



for the first time ever in morning assembly history, the hall was practically silent during the announcements.
the silence just echoed our heartache. rai said, "the whole school is in mourning"
and what the principal did next just about shocked and angered everyone.
she responded to a call for half day:
"don't be riduculous"
what do you take the soccer guys for!
does all their hard work sweat and past winnings NOT matter at all??
why do you have to make them feel worse!
why do you want to make the whole school feel as horrid as you!
SO BIASED!!
after that all of us just all sian diaoed.
and for the first time ever, the whole school was lifeless and dead and quiet.



now really, why are some people so concerned about results only?!
they do not care how much effort you had put in during the process. as long as you're not TOP. you're nothing.
it's bloody pissifying. the CT tutor is another one.
she's reaaaaal smart this lady.
she came into class and the first thing she said was that she was happy there was no half day cos she needed to tutorials
then she went to yak about how the sports groups are doing badly, with so many finals, so few titles (you think very easy right? go play lah! as if u were part of anything back in your jc days?? i can just imagine you like precisely like potato! going home to study when the whole school goes down to support)
then she went on to complain about how the musical groups are failing to meet expectations as well (shut up lah! gwh is not everything alright? for certain musical categories there is only ONE gwh while others have three or four okay??)



on a different note, it's upsetting that only the sports get recognition from the school.
and even among the sports groups, only certain ones are favoured by the principal.
cmon. was the entire school really upset about the losses of the tennis/table tennis/hockey guys or what have you??
then there comes the point about appeal cases. we all know how you can get guranteed admission even with 20pts.
either you be a really good ****** player or your mother donates $$.
victorian spirit?
haha!
spirit my ass.
there's only victorian spirit when there are achievements.
no one cares about the underdogs.
hows that for true victorian spirit for you?

we never expected her to be so realistic. it's too much, even from her.

"don't be ridiculous"

haha!

haha!

this is the one sentence which everyone would remember for the rest of the year. smart move. she just about destroyed whatever good impression we had left of her.

all our hopes were pinned on the hockey girls and guys today.

and very thankfully the girls won 1-0. :)

the guys lost but so what? they made it this far. (oh i forgot. some people only concerned with winning titles. the process does not matter)

but what irked me was that after the girls won, she agreed to a full day off. but after the guys lost, there's not much hope in her fulfilling her promise.

hey is that fair to the girls? or the guys??

then what about the softball girls??

nothing less than a full day would appease us. but i think we can just continue to dream on.

am so highly irritable nowadays.

but like mj would say, no point in thinking too much. no point in being irritated. it shalt pass.

i hope. please let it be soon.

hey if you belong to one those sports/musical groups whereby you got something like 2nd or worse
you can forget about the principal making a mention about it. ever.
sorry lor. 2nd only la. where got good? why never get first?? THROW FACE EH!!
okay la. good. but not good enough.
so unless you win the championships/got gold w honours, forget it. basically you don't exist!


and if she's that realistic enough (no. that doesn't sound right. whatever it is. the english translation of xian shi), no need to hold your breath for half day tomorrow cos it's not going to happen.
IF la.
i mean cmon.
tennis girls got 2nd okay. they lost to such a strong opponent. they weren't in the finals last year.
and what do they get?
"do you think there's anything to celebrate?"
-look of disbelief-
"i cannot believe that just came out of her mouth!" i exclaimed to sianghan.
and now her pet fav just failed to defend their championship title (heartbreaking no doubt. but who ask her to open her mouth about not needing to go into extra time and penalty shootouts?? COMPLACENT I SAY!)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
hmm about this i won't want to further elaborate.
but i've got this much to say.
i think some people are VERY CHILDISH INDEED.
for example the defeated school last year who still CANNOT get over the loss. after a year. sad sods. and then hung around jeering at our school team. get real. you all didn't even make it to the semis this year. so this means you were just merely lucky last year not to meet us any earlier.
example two. the champion school who actually SMIRKED AT OUR SCHOOL PEOPLE! wa immature and childish. how to be deserving champions like this? did we do this to the defeated team last year? no lor. grow up!
huh. since people are childish.
then i shall be childish and say this back:
all you other schools are just rotating to meet us in the finals -BAH!-
i wonder who would be the next one to meet us next year same time same place? :)
oh yes. cannot stoop to that level. just pretend you didn't see that would ya? :)


---------------------------------------------------------------------------

speaking of deserving champions.
it brings me to the pt which i was discussing with jam today.
why is it that you would always see the good schools in the finals of all these sports games?
soccer aside. -coughcough- there's hockey, tennis, cricket, table tennis. all we met/are meeting RJC.
so i conclude that smart people usually play a better game cos they outwit their opponents. hey at least we all know it's not TYCO. :)



back to original topic. perhaps she's going to give half day after all. if not it's not fair at all to the hockey guys/girls tomorrow.
both against RJC. same opponents as last year. see what did i say about non-tyconess and deserving finalists?


haiyerr. let us win at least one title leh. if not some people are not going to be very happy then we would have to come for lessons on friday.




okay since i've sensed that she's never going to make any comments about the just past concert and hence nobody would know how good we actually were, i shall just say this once and for all.
WE WERE DAMN GOOD.
WE WERE SO GOOD THAT THE GUEST OF HONOUR IS RAISING AT LEAST 20000 DOLLARS FOR US.
AND FOR US ALONE. NOT COMBINED FOR GODS SAKE.(i heard someone saying "hey i heard SE concert all sold out?" i nearly rolled over and died. HAHA! JOKE! JOKE! WHATA JOKE!)
YEAH SO WHAT IF WE DIDN'T GET GOLD WITH HONOURS?
AT LEAST WE GOT THE $$ :)
oh yes. we're actually 2nd also you know?


tired. i want my half day. they deserve at least that.

do you know that, i still tear a little whenever i hear guan yu on my ipod, whenever i watch the video of us on syf day?

can u imagine actually performing then?

sighhh. i miss that song.

teckchuan says that my eyes were red and watery during the song on concert day!!
damn i shouldnt have looked at him.

but you know it's a chain reaction.

i saw shuhui practically playing her heart out.
then i saw vic tearing.
then i saw seah looking very sad.
then i saw shufang's very bright (=very watery) eyes
then i saw guolaoshi's full-of-concentration face
then i'm affected as well!

so far. this is the one and only song that had such a tremendous impact on me.

i once said that years ago back in dhsco went they played this song for the grand finals, they actually cried themselves.
now i understand why.
the power of music.

i look at the video and i strain to see whether i could see the fighting-back-tears expression on my face.
it was that bad on syf day.
every single time xyz plays that melody, tears would just well up.
and then the dizi solo. even worse.
once it comes to the suona part. okay that's it.




anyway. i have CO outing tomorrow. so i am a VERY HAPPY PERSON NOW! YAY!!

i don't like playing a part in this decision-making process.
of course, i used to say that i have no opinions and for goodness' sake don't get me involved in all these stuff!
i hate arguing with people, because most of the time even when i have perfectly valid arguements, i end up losing cos i forget all of them!
but when you sense that things are really starting to go wrong, you would want to fight for what you believe is best for everyone.
i do not profess that what i want is the best, but can you please at least listen to what we have to say before having your sights set on a single person.

we had a hard time bringing this back up.
i do not want to see it collapse in a matter of one year.
it indeed is that significant a problem. why don't you understand that?

hey if you found this frustrating enough, try going through it three times all over again. that's precisely how many times some of us have been through.
gosh. it is even in 3 consecutive years.
sec 4. yr 1. now.
and when it boiled down to the most important decision, many of us eventually gave up arguing because we were already sick and tired of the whole situation and gave in to the higher authority.
we've already made that mistake once.
i don't want to repeat it again.
but today, when i actually bothered to speak up and finally make my stand clear, the unreasonable and frustrating things that i hear make me just want to shut up once and for all.
fine. go ahead and make your decision. our opinions do not matter anyway. you so-called opened it up for discussion. more like trying to convince us that you are right.
the first thing that i want to say is this
"alright whatever. choose that. when anything goes wrong, just remember that it's your own decision."
and since i've already graduated anyway, why should i give a shit?

but no. because this constitutes of all our hardwork, sweat and tears.

and let me just say that, never has been the decision of the com been so lopsided.
when you realise that so many people are against your decision, it's about time that you start opening to new ideas.
never. never had the experience where there was such a one-sided stand.
not even 2 years ago.
sure, there were some people against the idea. but there were people for it.
a split decision.
not a lopsided disagreement. like this.

but you know what. i think you're going to get your way in the end.
because we're all just too tired to argue any more.

whatever.

did i say 10000 bucks?

oh i'm sorry. that would be at least 20000 bucks.

:)



back from harmoc concert. i'm sure glad i got a free pass. and i don't mean it that way!


gosh. i'm beat. more tomorrow.

THE ONLY SOLD-OUT CONCERT AMONG ALL MUSICAL GROUPS, in the PT at least. WITH A WAITING LIST NO LESS!(reminder that more than 3/4 of ticket sales accounted for by us)

WE ROCKED THE ENTIRE PT DOWN.

MRS CHAN WAS BLOODY IMPRESSED BY US.

THE GUEST OF HONOUR DONATED 10000 BUCKS TO US. (and that's just for vjco my dears)

i think that's all i have to say.
i'm still buzzing on an incredible high.



siao liao. we were so bloody good.
that's just goes to say how much we CRAVE performance. put us in front of an audience. whooaa. see us transform! HA!



after this all i would just like to thank all those who have, in one way or another, flat-out refused to buy a ticket from me/told me that vjco sucks/told me that CO music in general is stupid and boring and sucks, because you people have made it possible for those who truly appreciate what we play to come forward and have a fantastic time.
thank you very much indeed.

oh yes. thanks to:
jiayin+jieying for the sweets n flowers!!
mollie+eric for shouting their support :)
jam and mandy for moral support!
adelyne peiying and janice for coming n for the flower! very touched :)
serhua weeting sihan n huishan. my lovely juniors :D (oh ya that includes my sister haha)
n everyone who had wished me good luck.


we proved it to everyone again.
we didn't need Esplanade to do it.








be back with more.
meeting my dear people from co. :)

i'm sorry i didn't cherish today's last practice.

even the weather was perfect. stormy and cold. just the way i love it.


i'm sorry i didn't stay back until everybody had left like i used to do.
i'm sorry i didn't stay back and continue on with the mahjong and get caught by the teachers.
i'm sorry i didn't leave later than all my juniors. it just doesn't feel right.
i'm sorry i didn't get to lock the door with mj for the very last time.
i'm sorry i didn't get to leave the school until the whole school is empty.



and now i'm really sad.
i think i'm going to have major withdrawal symptoms after tomorrow.





it's an affirmative. it is a sold-out concert. there's even a waiting list.
i don't know whether to be ecstatic or terrified.






i shall sleep early today.



oh yes. someone's a haappyy haaaapyy person! i'm haaapy haaappy for the person too! :D

when i woke up this morning, my back and stomach muscles were aching so badly that i couldnt even sit up right.

so i'm at home now.


well.. my music career is almost coming to an end. in school at least.
i desperately want it to end on an high note.
but would we achieve that?

looks like i'm self-doubting again.

people have said this: "guan yu alone is worth the eight dollars"
yeah sure. we have set for ourselves an impossibly high standard for the syf and now people want to witness that again.
i wouldnt have thought i would be able to say this, but it is almost a sold-out concert. and i dare say 80% of the tickets are sold by us alone. -smirks-
but now, we just can't seem to return to the form we once had.
how are we going to live up to the audience expectations tomorrow??

i don't care about the other songs. we can just screw them up for all i care.
just let us perform the way we did on 030505.


speaking of which, do link to this: not the original blog, i've taken the part from lydia.
heartening comments. :)

the things that she told me didn't surprise me, surprisingly.
i'd expected them all along anyway.
but it still doesn't stop the heartache.

she may just be speculating, but it's the same.
after all, how could something come out of nothing?
sometimes i wish that someone would just tell me the whole truth once and for all and let me grieve once and for all and then maybe finally i can be freed damnit.

i won't say my heart's broken.
cos it didn't even mend in the first place.




today was our last practice at the PT. i would really miss that lovely place.
after our concert, i'm going to type a LOOOOONG entry about CO. not now. i need to sleep.

but what i wouldnt miss, i don't think i need to type it out.
bloody assholes.
oh sorry, let me correct that.
bloody humji talentless assholes
you have absolutely zero right to make criticisms of that sort. of any sort for that matter.
you dare to say it out, you might as well say it to our faces.
but you don't. 'cos you're just a stupid pushover with no guts. (who looks to the floor after he insults others and people stare at him)
LOSER!
watch your mouth. if not we'll make you really sorry.
it is people like YOU that make me say this: YOU DESERVED WHAT YOU GOT.



alright. i'm destined to be a musician. the 16pf thing said so.
it also says that i can be anything in performing arts, writing, counselling, advertising/marketing, child development blahblah.
more than accurate actually. how did it know that i was actually considering to be a pediatrician?
aiya. don't laugh la. way before chanks told us that to become a doctor you need to study at least 15 more years and before i realised that i pretty much suck at biology, i was an aspiring doctor.
haha!
nowadays i'm more realistic.
and realistic enough to know that even though my interests lie precisely in those areas, people just don't see a future there.
siann. do the test like do for nothing. i was half hoping that it would tell me that underneath it all i'm actually a person who is enterprising and innovative (read: everything which 16pf told me i'm not)


oh yes. cheers and more cheers for me. a lovely shiny GOLD for napfa which had eluded me for the past 6 years. NO JOKE LEH.
(oh there's a double meaning behind the GOLD thingy. see if you get it? :))
obviously if i'd been getting gold for the past 5 years i wouldnt even care about typing it out.
but i haven't, so here i am! haha!
the "**co sucks!" method sure works wonders.
i desperately needed 172 for that sbj C when i only had 170 (like %*&!?@).
so i was like repeating that sentence in my head over n over again.
tada. 181. haha! (again. i must gloat. the last time i ever jumped more than 180 was in sec three lah. i suck)
AABBCC it is. can i have that for my blocktests too? A for GP la. haha. then i wouldnt care if i got a C for maths. hell i would be jumping for joy already!

okok. no talk about block tests until after the passing down.



my back hurts.
my neck hurts.
my ribs hurt.
my stomach hurts.
my tailbone hurts.
my heart hurts.
i need a doc.


oh i read my junior's blog just. (i wonder if he's reading this too, since he once mentioned that he found my blog)
well anyway if you're reading it. (ahem. the yearbook is in mj's locker)
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?? so interesting!! i hope it's what we're all thinking about!
-guffaws-
it's good that people are happy. happy people make other people happy.

sometimes it is the unexpected little things that people do that really surprise you and make your day. :)
and of course, sometimes it is also the horrid things that you expected them to do that spoil it.



a day of match supporting. i like :)
went down for bball semis.
and i must say. i can totally understand why alvin is the captain.
DAMN SEH CAN!!
we were all so impressed with him.
and mandy and i wanted to smack this asshole-of-an-old-man who kept shouting some insulting stuff about him.
what an arse.
as if you know anything?! keep your trap shut man!

went back to school for soccer then. didn't expect much actually after the previous time they sent the 2nd team to play.
but goshh. 6-1.
not very nice of them actually. they were already leading by so much and they had to sub the capt up 10 mins from time. and naturally he would have to score again.
tsk. not very nice at all.

kay la. i think i'm biased cos i have friends on the hc team and i don't like to see them looking so dejected.
but our 2nd team played damn well. :)
well on their way to the next championships!





anyway can someone please tell me why my tailbone still hurts after so long??!
this so will not do?? i have 5items tomorrow and now miraculously gold is within my reach, i can't do situps??
wa lau. what bloody luck.
and i don't want to do econs test tmr. stupid stupid stupid!
oh there's CO!
lovely lovely lovely :)
my last week of CO. ever again.

okay i don't want to talk about this today.
i think i deserve a break after the riduculous chem test.




yes. u know when i opened this week's issue of 8 days and flipped to this page and saw this picture of james lye, i nearly fell off the chair in shock.
what a bloody coincidence!!!!
after what i've just said a few days ago!!!
now that jam agrees with me, rach doesn't. hm. i'll have to cut out the picture and put it in my wallet and let more people see the resemblance. haha!
never mind.

eric tan should be reading my blog now.

eric tan is this childish friend of mine who likes to talk rubbish.
i've known eric tan since forever, even earlier than all the other CO people because he was in the same jap class as me.
he persevered but i quitted. haha what can i say.

hmm.
i don't know what i can say about eric tan.
'cept that he's a very nice guy la. never mind his childishness and that he's full of crap. (refer to nov. 13th entry)



haha. i AM SO BORED.

anyway life is back to its original boring state. yaaaaaaaawwnnnn.

maybe i should just stick to the boring old version of what it was and take the hurt and pain that comes with it. i'm used to it anyway. haw haw!


oh yes. happy birthday to dominic!!


hm. since i'm so bored, i want everybody to be bored with me so i shall just give you a blow-by-blow account of my day.
ha!


hm. on second thought. it's too boring even for this. gosh!

oops nearly missed joey.

bio test was a hoot.
when i reached school today everybody was mugging their brains out for the test.
yet there i was
calm and cool
even though, get this man.
i totally didn't read plant transport at all.
i swear.
i only read the first 20 pages of it. the next 38 pages remains unhighlighted. which means those pages didnt even get to see sunlight.
but i didn't bother lah. which worries me actually.
because now i cant find the urgency to study chem either. darn!
alright. after this i shall go and do my polymerisation tut. i cannot believe that i'm actually lagging for chem tutorial when i'm already not doing bio and econs.
ohimsoscrewed.



jam and i were just totally amused by ourselves during econs lecture.
we were laughing at this list we made last year april with mandy.
list of eye candies 2004 april issue.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
it was actually a LIST. with ratings and everything.
of about 15 guys.
we still cannot believe how juvenile we were.
jam then suggested that i made one right now.
i agreed with great gusto! i mean hey, it was econs.
at one shot i wrote down three names.
then i looked at the paper.
and i realised that was all.
i looked at it again.
pathetic.
jam suggested a name.
i wrote it down grudgingly.
i looked at it.
sian. i kept the piece of paper.
four does not a list make.

no wonder life was so much more fun last time.
and anyway i think i'm biased. i only started writing the list cos i wanted to rate that one person. HAHA.
whom i think resembles james lye. ( i can just imagine jam giving me an incredulous-no-way! look)
okay lar. maybe i'm biased but really. i found a picture again! (no more takuya! it's james now!)
this time, it's the smile.
ah.
i am mad.
haha.





anyway a long long time ago i once commented to mj that guys who ride bikes to school (save for the PRCs) must be nice guys because it must mean that they do not care about their image and hence must be humble and very nice guys and girls would naturally like them. and okay fine. it may just mean that they live near school.
(but then again. so does mj)
mj gave me a you-do-not-make-sense-look.
"okay lor. then next time i also ride a bike to school."
and the thought of that just made me laugh out loud.
Cannot Make It Lah.



i think i'm running out of stuff to write.
you see a pattern do you?
unrelated and pointless stuff.
hoho.
back to chem it is.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-screams and falls off chair-


haha!

i'm nuts!

but who cares!

ha ha ha!

where do i sign up for membership??

hahaha!

nah. i'm kidding. i'm sane and not stupid :)

interesting day. -grins-

okay lar. cos i'm in a great mood due to the great weather. and that today i only went for four periods of lessons.
bahh. who cares about bio test. it's not my fault that i didn't have time to study. so it's 100% guranteed plus chop fail.
whatever! :)
oh! but then again, if i do manage to pass, then this time i really am a genius and i should just quit school now.


mj and i were yakking about some random stuff just now, when i suddenly mentioned something my sister told me about our favourite kelvin.
me: "blah blah.. blah kelvin's fan club blah blah."
mj: "kelvin very good looking meh? how come so many girls like him?"
me: "you see, the point is that some guys are not conventionally good looking, yet so many girls go for them, that's cos they have charisma"
mj: "ahhh."
gives me an evil smile
mj: "like _______?"
me: (crossly) "no! like (my new favourite eye candy)!"

haha. that was a pointless conversation all right.

oh and you know what i've always said about guys being shallow?
i think i have another real-life example.
-rolls eyes-
shallow is an understatement.
someone please knock some sense into that idiot before it's too late.
this just practically proves that guys are shallow.



okay. i will have to stop here cos it's a very pointless entry.

just one last entry about syf and i shall close this horrid chapter of my life forever. i think.



nothing about corruptions or politics or whatever, lest i get sued for slander.
but i do have this much to say.
when among the judges there are people who are related to the competitors, it is impossible that they can be 100% fair. ( i have evidence but i'm too tired to type it out)
let's just put it this way.
they wanted to give the 2 schools GWH.
yet because one of them is just way too far off from making the mark (and people sure will sue if they really got GWH)
they can only make do with an invitation to perform.
of course then no matter how well the other schools play
there's no fcuking way they'd get anything more than a gold.
-shurgs-
what to do. unless people can manage to make a scandal out of this, i guess the truth will remain buried forever and we just have to be the scrapgoats.
maybe ten years down the road.
maybe.



gdnight. and i hate shallow people.
oh. that and self-centered people.

i am in a very destructive mood right now. especially for things that are called bio and chem notes.
i'd like to shred them into tiny little pieces and let them fly out of the window.
i would also like to burn the ten year series and throw them into chanks's face.
i would also like to rip the chem and bio file apart.



seriously. i have no idea why i would put myself through such rubbish especially when it is exactly the same as it was last time.

excuse me while i slap myself.

okay. i am freaking pissed off now.
yes i may sound like i still can't get over it.
but i'm sorry, when disgusting things like this happen
YOU WOULD BE JUST AS PISSED AS I AM.
ROARRRRRRRRRRRR



gosh. this IS a music competition. since when did it start becoming about politics?!
then what's the point in us putting in our best effort, when not the best gets acknowledged, and instead the competition was fcuking fi*** in the first place?!
and i thought musicians are supposed to have more integrity than that?!
the things we've heard today.
it would make your ears BURN.
unbelievable.
no seriously, this is not something i'm saying in a moment of anger. neither am i still upset over the results.
but we are actually angry enough to want to make an official complaint to ccab, not that it would make any difference.


i do not have enough evidence about the things we've heard today to make it official.
but after tomorrow.
i will make all this public.
and we shall all see.
what it is really like behind the scenes.
and then some people can retract what they've said about them being the second best orchestra in singapore.
we shall reclaim whatever belongs to us in the first place.
and we've done it fair and square.



oh yes. by the way. let me show you something which an ex-member of that orchestra said:
I am soo glad i decided to quit *jco to join canoeing.. at least life's more exciting and my impression of co wont be ruined by the rubbishy songs *jco chooses..

amen to that.

pictures, though few, will keep our memories alive.
who would have thought that we would be so happy together.
a big family :)
and now the thought of passing down actually saddens me.



i want to recount everything yesterday. who gives a damn about the results. remembering the times together is enough to make me smile.





we had dinner kenny rogers. 20 of us to two tables.
disappointed, but not defeated.
have to thank the guys who kept us laughing throughout. and the ranting sessions. cursings.
it made us forget the sadness for the time being.
we bought liqour after that :)

and went to the sky garden fountain, passing the drinks around.
all of us then just laid there staring up at the sky. (all silently cursing some people no doubt)
lyd seah me jj the very nice cello jr and the giant of a bingsheng took the express bus home.
we were quiet, perhaps not just from the exhaustion, but from the reality finally sinking in.
lydia's really funny la. sleeping with her eyes open and her face all red from the liqour. haha.
so many people were looking at her amusedly.
bingsheng looked like he was blushing from the liqour too!
very cute la. all of them.

when we came to school today, you could feel that we really wanted to see each other around, to have each other there for support and comfort.
i woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, and the feeling of vulnerability was so overwhelming i nearly wanted to skip school.
because i didn't want to hear a word of "gold is good enough. don't worry"
i know you all meant well but my heart wasnt just going to take it.
we aren't upset about not getting GWH, but at the judges who didn't acknowledge the fact that we were great.

and i nearly broke down when i stepped into school and poor mj had to be the first person i met.
okay la actually not. i had to call him and force him to walk with me around school cos i didnt want to face any non-co people.
then there was lyd shufang and shuhui. the poor girls had to go onto stage to pretend that they were happy with the results. (i swear they should have just went, "we're pissed to announce, oh sorry i mean we are pleased..")
the whole day, i talked to candice shufang CH CK primero bingsheng yeesiang vic yelin and weiwei(plus junda+wesley who gave me their typical 'whaaaat??' looks)
and it really helped. (not the whaaaaat part. but seeing them)
and i got the closure i needed.
:)




and now it sure helps that people from all the different jcs are saying very nice things about us.
oh yes. thanks very much to eric and changfang who comforted us after the results. i miss them!!

my dear members, that's what we are to others:
1. overheard: hc instructor saying that we were very good
2. hc people: stayed back just to watch us perform and they were scared to death after that.
3. tj people: "eh i heard you all were damn good just now? hc say they sure lose liao!" quote unquote.
4. dhsco teachers: we and hc deserved the honours. njc wasnt convincing at all.
5. aj people: when they heard we only got a gold they thought they would get a silver.
6. acjc people: when they heard about the gold, they thought they would get a bronze.
7. VS erhu instructor: vjc should get a GWH
8. nj people themselves: they thought we would be the ones invited to perform.
9. hc friends: we should be the ones performing with them at esplanade.
10. mollie: "those xiao hun hun!" (haha. i miss mollie!!)


and many many many more others i am sure.
it's comforting to know that
even though we weren't acknowledged by the judges
we were acknowledged by the public
and we have made ourselves a threat to the best orchestra in singapore (and i mean HC okay)
and made our presence felt.
the public now recognises our potential and capabilities.
and that's what's really important.


okay i think i have the right to be bitchy now?
-smirks-
i read from somebody's blog that their batch is an embarrassment to the CO and their reputation as the best orchestra is going down the drain..
seriously deluded aren't they?
still convinced that they are the best even after HC was the top CO two years ago.
now they should be convinced.
nowhere near the league of HC my dears. try to beat us first won't ya? :)

okay SHOULD NOT be mean. but hey. some people just deserve it for the things they've said about us.
(got anyone say u all good? HUh HUh HUH?? no right. then u lose HAHA!)



i guess mj made a very good point.
yes indeed the thought of having merely a gold was devastating, the thought of not being able to perform at esplanade was even worse. it sure didn't help that everybody who met us told us that we and hc were the best this year.
but now, it's okay. :)
cos we should all remember that the invitation was offered not in order of merit, but to give all the Gold schools a chance to perform.
and most unfortunately, we had been invited to perform before. it would only be fair to give other schools the opportunity. and also to showcase the different leagues and genres of songs.
after all, ours was more of the 激情 variety which made people cry. it would be interesting for people to witness the slow and sedate type of songs.






and i will stop here.

now work is going to kill me next.

imagining us getting a COP. gosh i think we're all trying not to laugh 

at the thought of getting silver for syf. (am dying of laughter already) 

the family 

forgot to thank the many nice people who wished us good luck for syf.

mollie
jieying
zhi
terri
jamie
adibah
xiao ting


hm. got some more but i can't remember. oh well.


kay anyway i'm all right now. perfectly fine :D
somewhere between bio and chem tutorial the disappointment and anger somehow diffused, and i guess i'm pretty much over it.
cos we all know that we were fantastic, and everybody who was present would surely agree.
soooo..
we all know that the mediocre orchestra didn't get chosen cos of results. :)
-coughcough-

ahem. not second. nope.

we were so good today.
guan yu was almost flawless. (we shalt not mention the biscuit buying girl -nudge nudge-)
our music was reverberating around the entire concert hall.
we left people crying.
we actually made hc really worried.
linli said "gold with honours in no problem. trust me."
linli lehh.
and yes. we were good enough to make me cry. right in the middle of the piece.
i had to bite my lip.
the appluase we got at the end of the piece. gosh.
no one. no one could deny that we were great.


yet. yeah. you guessed it.
it's only a lousy gold.


i appluade hc. i guess they were really good.
but i don't give a shit about the honours part especially when the title was well-earned.
i think what broke all our hearts was that, the judges actually favoured a mediocre orchestra over us to perform at esplanade.
a mediocre orchestra who was so ecstactic to get a gold.
(you could just feel the disappointment when the traditionally strong orchestras like rj tj and us got merely a gold)
and now they think they're freaking good.



i feel sick right to my heart. again. this time, much worse.
i think all our hearts are broken in many places.


please don't tell me that we've done our best already so we shouldn't have any regrets.
i will understand that point someday, but right now.
my heart is shattered.
nobody cares about the hardwork you've put in.
they just take one look at your result and think, 'is that all?'

i swear, if anyone tells me any time soon, "why get so upset? syf only what. gold then gold la. so what!"
i will rip his mouth off his face.

nah. kidding.


please understand should i stare blankly into space anytime.
i need some time to get this shit out of my system.




when i get the scores from the teachers, i WILL REPORT IT TO THE WHOLE WORLD.
then the mediocre orchestra can just go eat shit.

shit. i'm in like a really really seriously bad mood. so shitty it is i just want to sit here and stone.
or maybe listen to a few really really sad songs then make myself sadder.
which actually is rather appropriate. we are supposed to be mourning for mr. guan tomorrow after all haha. it would be good to start having the mood right now.


i want to feel my heart so full that i cry after the song tomorrow.


and i don't want this life to end.
and i don't want the friendships to end.


i want to have practices late into the night. that we all go hungry, and go for dinner together after that.
our weekly friday night dinners.
i want to leave the school when it's completely empty, even later than any other ccas.
i want to come back to school on rest days cos the practices make me happy.
i want to go as a huge bunch to parkway for lunch.
i want to play mahjong in the music room with my mahjong kakis.
i want to go to the music room everyday just to slack.

lyd jy yawen william and me went to chingkai's house today for a spot of mahjong.
and you know, it's after times like these
that you realise that time's almost up.
and you wonder, what will happen after syf is over.
would you all still stay friends?



gosh. i feel sick right to my heart.
i feel like i've been transported back to the time when we left dhsco two years ago.
who would have thought eh?



and also i feel like a big moron. SHIT LA I AM AN IDIOT

humans are really funny creatures arent they?
we cling on to even the thinnest strand of hope, even as it is giving way bit by bit, rendering us further away from what we want.
just because there's still that little one bit of hope that, maybe we would be able to make it after all.
that's all we're living for aren't we. hope.
hope that maybe when you wake up the next day, it would be a better one than the one it had been.
hope that the next time you would do better at a stupid test or something.
and hope, for another thousand miscellaneous shallow things.

but we are not really that blind and stupid.
we know that, in the many things we hope for, some are just simply unattainable.
deep down, we know it's just blind hope. we know it's impossible. we know. we just don't want to voice it out.
because we want to believe that for all the effort we have put in, it was at least worth that last bit of hope.
and so we go on believing and hoping. even as we know that it will all eventually come to naught. but when the inevitable happens, the disappointment is as great as it would be as one who didn't realise that it was all going to happen anyway.

we still go on fighting for it in the end.
for the very last bit of hope that the impossible might just happen.

some people prefer to treat that last bit of hope as a waste of time.
they would rather just give up right now and tell everybody else who's fighting for the same cause that they should stop cos what they're doing is stupid and pointless.
it's these kind of people that make me slip into the abyss void of any hope.
and i can tell you i'm just going to fall inside that any time soon should any of this shit not let up.

i used to believe. i used to believe a lot.
but right now i think i can see the clear light. that the inevitable will happen anyway.
so what i'm hoping now is that, tomorrow would be a better day than yesterday, and it would give me hope for whatever i'm hoping for.











i'm exhausted mentally physically and emotionally through and through.
it's nothing i've not been through, just that it was never so difficult.



two more weeks and i have to return the mundanity of reality. but hell it better take less than that for me to get rid of whatever thoughts i'm having now and for it to return to the mundanity that it was.





reasons why i can be pretty smart sometimes:
1. i passed my econs test and no i didn't copy wholesale from the notes for the essay. i did it all by myself. so cheaterbugs can feel really stupid right now.
2. i've been reading someone's blog for quite some time now. it's the way she talks about this somebody that made me suspect the person is exactly who i'm guessing. and as it always turns out. i am right.
some of the intelligence for the latter i can do without sometimes.

cos it's the way she looks at you and i know what she's thinking.
cos it's the way she moves around you and i know what she's thinking.
but most of all it's the way you react
that i know what you are thinking.

and hence i can come to the conclusion once again that.
some people are really STUPID AND SHALLOW and they should all just go rot and die in shallow-people-hell.






if you want a taste of mental and physical torture, try wearing full concert attire and go from parkway to clarke quay to far east plaza to mustafa centre to a little shophouse in little india with loads of bags aching arms and legs zero cash on an empty stomach.
so fun la.
so fun until i reached home at 12.30.
so fun that i only got to sleep at 2 cos i practically crawled to the bathroom.
so fun that when i woke up this morning at eight no less! i was in such a foul mood i wanted to kill some people. mostly shallow people actually. but there's no link la.



well this is so not working out well for a nice May1 sunday.
it should be a nice and pleasant day cos there's only one more month til i'm eighteen (haw haw) and there should be many nice shows on tv.
i shall head back for more sleep and hope that when i wake up all the shallow people in the world has disappeared and the world is a much better place.