humans are really funny creatures arent they?
we cling on to even the thinnest strand of hope, even as it is giving way bit by bit, rendering us further away from what we want.
just because there's still that little one bit of hope that, maybe we would be able to make it after all.
that's all we're living for aren't we. hope.
hope that maybe when you wake up the next day, it would be a better one than the one it had been.
hope that the next time you would do better at a stupid test or something.
and hope, for another thousand miscellaneous shallow things.
but we are not really that blind and stupid.
we know that, in the many things we hope for, some are just simply unattainable.
deep down, we know it's just blind hope. we know it's impossible. we know. we just don't want to voice it out.
because we want to believe that for all the effort we have put in, it was at least worth that last bit of hope.
and so we go on believing and hoping. even as we know that it will all eventually come to naught. but when the inevitable happens, the disappointment is as great as it would be as one who didn't realise that it was all going to happen anyway.
we still go on fighting for it in the end.
for the very last bit of hope that the impossible might just happen.
some people prefer to treat that last bit of hope as a waste of time.
they would rather just give up right now and tell everybody else who's fighting for the same cause that they should stop cos what they're doing is stupid and pointless.
it's these kind of people that make me slip into the abyss void of any hope.
and i can tell you i'm just going to fall inside that any time soon should any of this shit not let up.
i used to believe. i used to believe a lot.
but right now i think i can see the clear light. that the inevitable will happen anyway.
so what i'm hoping now is that, tomorrow would be a better day than yesterday, and it would give me hope for whatever i'm hoping for.
i'm exhausted mentally physically and emotionally through and through.
it's nothing i've not been through, just that it was never so difficult.
two more weeks and i have to return the mundanity of reality. but hell it better take less than that for me to get rid of whatever thoughts i'm having now and for it to return to the mundanity that it was.
reasons why i can be pretty smart sometimes:
1. i passed my econs test and no i didn't copy wholesale from the notes for the essay. i did it all by myself. so cheaterbugs can feel really stupid right now.
2. i've been reading someone's blog for quite some time now. it's the way she talks about this somebody that made me suspect the person is exactly who i'm guessing. and as it always turns out. i am right.
some of the intelligence for the latter i can do without sometimes.
cos it's the way she looks at you and i know what she's thinking.
cos it's the way she moves around you and i know what she's thinking.
but most of all it's the way you react
that i know what you are thinking.
and hence i can come to the conclusion once again that.
some people are really STUPID AND SHALLOW and they should all just go rot and die in shallow-people-hell.
if you want a taste of mental and physical torture, try wearing full concert attire and go from parkway to clarke quay to far east plaza to mustafa centre to a little shophouse in little india with loads of bags aching arms and legs zero cash on an empty stomach.
so fun la.
so fun until i reached home at 12.30.
so fun that i only got to sleep at 2 cos i practically crawled to the bathroom.
so fun that when i woke up this morning at eight no less! i was in such a foul mood i wanted to kill some people. mostly shallow people actually. but there's no link la.
well this is so not working out well for a nice May1 sunday.
it should be a nice and pleasant day cos there's only one more month til i'm eighteen (haw haw) and there should be many nice shows on tv.
i shall head back for more sleep and hope that when i wake up all the shallow people in the world has disappeared and the world is a much better place.