it's only after you start working before you really treasure the weekends.
and with long weekends..
wohoo. everbody's in a good mood.
so today, work went well and fine and pleasant :)



the things i hear from rai about the people who went for the mass comm interview
their poise, their superior intelligence, their obvious gift (mind you! gift!) for the english language
and the way some of these people write. just in their blogs!
gosh
i'm all ready to throw in the towel.
i'm nowhere near their league.


so i guess i'm lost again. jeez. what is this.
i don't want to get stuck in a place where i thought i could be good at something, only to find out that heh heh, gotcha!

yeah those people in my workplace are nice


that is, until they realise that you can't make it for work (despite perfectly legitimate reasons mind you!), henceforth adding to their workload, then they turn unfriendly.

never mind the fact that
1. i have not one! but two days worth of MC, and that
2. i am spewing germs all over the bloody freezing office


unfeeling bastards. when can i get out of this place. (see? i knew i'd change my mind soon!)


i eagerly await may 31st. no later, only earlier.



stupid banks. so anal and boring the only place worst than them are auditing firms.

i'm feeling..
resentment this morning.
i can't believe that i actually wasted so much time, trying to pick your brains, trying to understand what you did, trying to explain what you did.
whether you actually had good intentions, or.. the exact opposite.
i don't actually care anymore.
if you are really holier-than-thou, good for you. good for me.
if you are not, all i can say is, at least my conscience WAS clear. (given the situation i was put in, it would have not been difficult for people to point their fingers at me, and perhaps i could have been the reason behind the disintegration of that thing. yet i did not do so, even when i stand to gain even more from it than you.)


but you still did it. and i did not.
i honestly do not care anymore.

yes, it may have been ages ago.
but nothing could have stopped that white hot flash of anger.


and boy was i mad. furious, pissed off, upset, you name it.
but before the anger could start eating me up from inside (AGAIN), as quickly as it came, it disappeared.
and so all that was left was indifference.
i guess guys have the right approach sometimes. seriously now, who gives a damn?



you know what they say about people who constantly put down other people.
three words for them
INSECURE
JEALOUS
and have LOW SELF-ESTEEM
therefore having the need to demean other people

idiots.


i may not be able to match up to you in certain areas, but it does not mean i'm supposed to be lousier than you in every single aspect.
and yet, that's the way you seem to act. i'm supposed to not be better. you don't like the idea that i can be better.
it's all obvious, in the way you act, the words you speak, the haughty aura you don't used to have, but are having now, the not-so-subtle putdowns.
i don't suppose that i'm overreacting, or thinking too much.
because it's that obvious.
i was upset at first
but i've decided that bo-chup-ness is the way to go. and of course my three-word mantra.
JEALOUSINSECURELOWSELFESTEEM.
thank you.


i'm sick of trying.
i no longer like you much, hence i don't see the point in trying to act chummy with you anymore.

i don't like people who judge too much.
and by that i mean people who don't even give you a chance to explain,
who don't even listen before they starting sprouting moralistic advice.
"you SHOULD blah blah blah. you SHOULD NOT blah blah blah"
and then they go around and do exact opposite of what they've just preached.
oh god it makes me so MAD.


forget it. unlikely that i'd ever see that person again unless i ever feel the kick to feel demeaned.

and so funny. somebody really fell for the trap, head over heels.
did i not expect that?


as i always say,
做贼心虚.

i'm in the mood to type, so don't blame me.


ahem.
first things first, the boss asked me to give her an answer as to when i would want to work til.
(but before that she nearly scared me to death when she told me that my contract (?!) would be ending on the 15th of april. extremely dots. i'm still a temp lah)
i told her probably til the end of may or mid june, and i realised that
hey i've been working for pretty long already!
time flies leh. and who would have thought i would actually quite like the environment and all?
i mean, who likes the work? but the people, they can be really nice actually.
mostly chinese speaking, and in their early twenties. so you can say that we're all of the same frequency.
and when they're nice, they can be surprisingly warm. it's heartening, and those days i actually look forward to going to work. :)
(come to think of it, they were probably nice because they were in a good mood due to the long weekend ahead. :( chey)
whatever it is, i think i will miss this place when i leave.(please don't let me change my mind)



which brings me to having to go back to school, which brings me to the mass comm interview.
oh boy another mass of contradictions.
i cannot believe i'm actually having 2nd thoughts about going to mass comm (that is, if i actually survive the interview AND test, not bloody likely though)
all of a sudden, business is starting to look just as appealing. (1. because 'marketing director of Gucci' sounds way cool. 2. because getting a degree in banking and finance can be extremely useful ie become the boss of my now-boss heh heh)
but of course, perhaps it's about time i go into something that i may actually excel in, rather than following the norm and get mediocre results, like i've been doing my whole time in vjc. (stupid)
but what if the people are too ARTS for me??
main concern actually. and main reason why i got stuck in S22 rather than in A54 or something.

alright, i shall be bothered to worry about all these IF i actually pass the test/essay/interview lah.



study group dinner. hilarious as always. ahh i miss such outings :D
zhi: "virgos are very zhuan yi"
me: "ya lor, and geminis are very hua chi"
mj: "YA LOR. you are so fickle"
me: "NO LA, i just have extremely short attention spans and get bored easily OK"
and the whole topic which sparked off this conversation was about how bloody irritating it could be when guys get into their whole "wa check out that chiobu" mood.
not in front of your female friends please. it's extremely annoying and not to mention insulting.
so mj mentioned a couple of people (COUGH) who check out EVERY SINGLE GIRL that walks by (i kid you not)
he then mentioned that his good friend isnt this sort (the virgo lah) henceforth the conversation.

heh heh. sorry abit pointless hor?


haha i thought i've run out of things to talk about but i haven't.
so sorry, you're going to have to humour me.


weird train of thought:
i have a friend.
she used to be a good friend of mine long long time ago.
i believe that she's in love with the idea of being in love. too idealistic, too unreal. fairytale, storybook kind of love.
(it's all the mass media's fault lah.)
("do you think the mass media is responsible for the behaviour and habits of youth today? discuss")
she has changed so much.
my other close friend also.
we used to be best friends.
she obviously saw me that day, i did too. we obviously ignored each other. me, for fear of being awkward. she? i have no idea.
i can still remember her exact house address, and her exact phone number.
those days we used to warble along to the spice girls, and the moffatts (however you spell it)
now she has a boyfriend.
(i cannot stand that guy. he's a jerk who dumps friends whom he thinks are not worthy of him ie their results are not as good as his. arsehole. big fat pig)
anyway back to miss idealistic.
mj says that girls are weird because we think too much
like the sister who wants the guy she likes to like her more than she likes him.
but it's self-protection and preservation, i say. who wants to be at the losing end?
it's all in the reason of IN CASE.
JUST IN CASE.
and boy, do i understand.
like i've said, eye candies are merely distractions. who says i'm fickle HUH?
but then again, it's over so i'm bored. (AGAIN)
-pauses- (reading someone else's blog)
DARN! i just found out somebody i don't really have much of a liking for (along with about another couple of hundred of people) is going for the mass comm interview as well.
oh woe is me :(
ok sleep time

today was definitely one of those "OK THAT'S IT I'M HANDING IN MY NOTICE!" days.



stupid bitch.



i have nothing against my job scope. i'm perfectly fine with having to call hundreds of people everyday, honestly.
i just have something against superiors who lack basic people-skills.
how do you otherwise explain the arranged lunches with the whole department just to bitch about her? i'm definitely NOT biased this time round yeah.
never mind. i think about the money and i'm appeased.


i'm bored again lah. where's my next new eye candy.
(true blue gemini i am)



oh and saturday we had one of the most successful kbox outings ever, reasons being
1. we sang from 11am to 7pm (EIGHT BLOODY HOURS!) for only TWENTY ONE BUCKS!
2. we were all good singers. heh heh.
great fun lah. and now that ck has the membership card..
"oi ck we coming over your house now to get the card ah"
:D



i'm looking forward to the long weekend already.

sometimes it feels like i'm living two very different lives.


just like last saturday, going for a full day of CO when i'm still sleepy after a week of ahem, hard work. then having to go back for work on monday when i'm barely out of the CO mood. no wonder i was disoriented and in a very bad mood.




the constant switching of environments, it's making me feel very.. weird.



i shouldnt care or wonder where or how you are.
yeah.



cmon cmon where are my distractions.