-drums fingers-
okay. i'm feeling irritable right now.
-drums fingers more-
very very very irritable indeeed.
-ponders-
why the hell am i feeling irritable??!
there's no reason for irritability!!
there are no more tests!! (at least for the next 2 weeks)
i have a bloody long weekend ahead!!! (fine. or at least i have 2 more days as of now)
SO I HAVE ZERO REASON TO BE IRRITABLE. I WOULD HAVE MORE TIME FOR THAT AFTER I SEE MRS LIM'S FACE WHEN SHE RETURNS MY PAPERS.
SO.
why am i irritable.
i.
am.
feeling.
irritable.
I.
R.
R.
I.
T.
A.
B.
L.
E.
i am, in fact, so irritable that i want everyone who's reading this (yar all five of you) to be just as irritated as i am, by the incessantly annoying way i'm typing.
LIkE This! WhEeEEE! YoU sO tOTalLY Can SEe whAT I aM tYpinG nO? yEs? NoNo yeSyES???
i jUSt LovE to TypE liKe thiS!! so niCE anD plEasiNg and CuTesy Yes No?
thEN iF i TyPE thE whOle pAge LIkE thiS i beT evRyonE juST wAntS to REaD it!
moRE sO in fRiEndSTer LeHhhHH!! cuZ onLY cUte anD aCT chIO giRLs tyPE likE thiS anD so mAnY guYs liKE lEhhhhh :):):):):):):):).
blardy hell.
oh yes i digressed.
WHY i am feeling irritable..
haha! like you care. go sleep or something lah.
-edit-
then i realised this wouldn't quite do.
cos i wanna continue typing.
so i'm irritable
basically because i'm having a bad case of deja vu.
like a seriously baaaaad. and you know it because you can feel it, and you feel it in your fingers, you feel it in your toeesssss, that christmas is all around yooouuu...
like i was saying, you feel it, and you totally just detest and loathe that feeling.
because the last time you had this feeling
the situation sure wasn't pretty.
so i'm feeling like an overcooked piece of noodle. what a very fitting analogy, come to think of it.
and i feel like one which has been stepped on by many people a few thousand times.
flaccid.
limp.
flat.
mushed up.
and stupid-looking.
and i feel used too.
i feel..
like i'm one of those collectibles.
you know, where you get bought up and displayed, along with all the other so-called special limited collectibles.
not because your owner actually likes you all that much.
not because you're so special
but because having that collection mean that that darned collector of yours can have something to show off.
-hmm.-
okay guess what i suck at analogies after all.
i reread that previous paragraph and i didn't express what i wanted to portray.
whatever.
lit student i am not.
oh i know.
i feel like that jessie doll from toy story 2.
:(
oh woe is me!
i shall wallow in self-pity.
speaking of self-pity. you know what's the stupidest thing i've ever got closest to doing??
weird train of thought eh?
(self-pity --------> so damn kelian--------> i feel really kelian-------> the last time i felt so kelian-------> i nearly did something dumb. oh not so no-link after all. and no i didn't contemplate suicide either siao lar you)
the last time i felt so devastated
hm.
heavy word.
the last time i felt so horrid,
i nearly wanted to
haha!
write a song.
(now. don't laugh. you)
you must understand that at that point of time, with no less than almost 4 years of training as a.. erm MEP student, forced to compose a 5 minute composition from scratch (because i really didn't want to do a 30 page long essay on traditional myanmar music or what bullcrap) was sheer torture.
especially when on a day when you have zero inspiration.
especially when you're both westerned, and chinese-classically trained. (ahhem. self-promotion.)
oh oh digression can??!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
just that other day we all realised that
some people are just shameless and downright disgusting.
YES YOU.
you know who you are.
boy i sure don't give a damn whether you were/are my junior or not.
once and for all i'm here to say.
YOU ARE A JERK
if you dare to say those things you did
then you can dare to not ever step foot at our terrain again (hoho! i'm so sorry. i cannot think of another word)
but of course you do
because you have nowhere else to go
and you're just a smug little piece of whatever with no guts.
with the exception of stabbing others in the back.
sorry loser you are.
and speaking of which
i also realised the prestige of joining a certain organization. can't say names lah. later get slammed by own people. :(
and frankly speaking, i sure wouldn't mind.
because if i ever wanted to go that career path professionally
that's the only way i can ever go.
ah. the PRESTIGE.
never mind me, i'm just day dreaming.
and since i digressed while i was digressing, i shall go back to my main pt.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
but anyway my point in digression when i reached the blah-blah-blah-trained part was that i wanted to go a little self-advert in case the relevant people are reading this.
no lah. i'm kdding.
i just want to haolian.
hmm but well, if you are one of those relevant people from the relevant organizations, i would just like to say, in all modesty and honesty, i can sightread pretty well and i can pick up any instruments within 2 weeks. i love challenges :) especially ones that other stupid so-called musicians with-zero-musical-sense can't do :)
oops sorry! musn't be bitchyy. later people not happy
-deadpan look-
BACK TO WHERE I WAS. finally.
i was so devastated and traumatised that i really wanted to write a song. ala david tao in melody. 那时无法为你写的那首歌，是我永远的遗憾 blah blah.
not that it would be of any good of course, but just to get it off my chest.
but obviously i didn't in the end.
because
1. too many things to say, song would be too long.
2. i had zero inspiration for any musical ideas.
3. that would be a waste of time
4. i can't get pass using alberti bass lah. bloody irritating. you see why i don't really fancy playing classical pieces?
5. and since i can't get pass using that, anything with alberti bass would sound too childish and that wasnt exactly my aim.
yeah. and that was probably the closest stupid thing i nearly did.
sad case lah.
i'm not really a music talent after all. i can't compose for nuts. :(
even kindly old mdm ong tells me that it's because of my instrument that i got a distinction for higher music.
hence implying that i probably screwed up my childish-composition-with-an-alberti-bass-in-a-minor-key.
oh WOE IS ME!
and if you managed to read every single word of this entry and reach here.
congratulations!
you must be very bored. and boliao.
anyway i must go and sleep and try to get my body clock back into the normal state again.