I'm very emotionally unstable right now so there's going to be ALOT of cursing and swearing. If you don't like that just stop reading now.



As much as I like to trash and rant about Singapore's lack of freedom of speech and how some people can be so narrow-minded, I've got to say, at least I can be thankful that most of us are so apathetic towards things that we well, basically don't have much hate (stemming from a lack of care)for most things or people.

I don't get very upset over many things. I like to keep it that way. I hate it when I feel like I'm losing control over my emotions. Raging is fine; I just e-yell at the world on my blog and I feel much better after that. But sadness? No, that I can't do. I can't express myself well enough without making myself feel like a complete ass. Therefore I steer clear of situations that I know would make me sad.


So it's terrifying when I go completely over the edge and around the bend. I know I should have known better than to watch this, but I did anyway, and I cried so much it wasn't even funny. And now I am posting this here because it speaks volumes of HOW INCREDIBLY FUCKED UP SO MANY PEOPLE ARE IN THIS WORLD.



If you can watch this, and tell me honestly that this is not one of the most fucked up things in the world, then I'm sorry I don't think we can be friends anymore.

On a related note, it astounds me, and at the same time, horrifies me, how even in a country like the US, as progressive as many of them are, there still exists scum like the Westboro Baptist Church. Be thankful that you've not heard of this group of fucktards. Honestly, I'm relieved I don't stay in the US, because I swear on all things holy, I will cause grievous harm to them if I ever see them in person. I am not kidding. Painful deaths don't even begin to describe the things I want to wish on them.


OH, JUST ONE OF THE MANY MANY MINDBOGGLING FUCKERY ENDORSED BY THE WBC.

The church runs numerous websites such as GodHatesFags.com, GodHatesAmerica.com and others expressing condemnation of homosexuality.

The group bases its work around the belief expressed by its best known slogan and the address of its primary website, "God hates fags," asserting that every tragedy in the world is linked to homosexuality – specifically society's increasing tolerance and acceptance of the "homosexual agenda." The group maintains that God hates gays above all other kinds of "sinners" and that homosexuality should be a capital crime.

oh yes, and they also condemn those who advocate gay rights and basically anyone who has gay friends, calling them fag enablers. WELL GODDAMN YOU I WILL WEAR THAT FAG ENABLER BADGE PROUDLY THANK YOU VERY MUCH.



I'm not stupid enough to say that this intolerance doesn't exist in Singapore. I KNOW some crazy churches/priests who go around proclaiming that they have "cured" people of their homosexuality and spread their homophobic messages yada yada. BUT at the VERY LEAST, I don't see them protesting/evangelising (and also thank god for our ban on public protests) so that's good because then I can probably save myself a trip down to the police station to explain why I sucker-punched some jackass in the face.

For most part I do feel bad for Christianity because of these whackjobs. I'm pretty sure most Christians do not tolerate such behavior and it's just horrible how a bunch of these people can give their religion such a bad rep. I'm just glad that I don't have Christian friends who try to pull this kind of shit on me.


Okay, I don't want to mix this up with religion, so I shall end off by saying, I want to make my stand on this issue clear, if I haven't been clear enough before: I do not, and will not tolerate homophobia. And no, I will not accept your argument that homosexuality is a choice. WATCH THE FUCKING VIDEO. Oh yes, it's a choice because it's every young boy's dream to be ridiculed, and subsequently murdered when he's only thirteen. Yes, it's a choice because our society is so open and accepting of them. And YES, it's definitely a choice because we're all so progressive that me putting adam lambert as my display pic on msn had some fucktards commenting "ew, why you put that gay in your display pic" WELL LILY ALLEN HAS GOT THIS MUCH TO SAY TO YOU.





And another pitiful argument that I can't stand? That homosexuality can be influenced. REALLY NOW? So why is that straight people can't influence them to be straight? PONDER ON THAT DUMBASS.

I'm sorry if I'm particularly offensive today. I'm usually capable of keeping my rage on this issue under control, but I just had to witness all these crap today at one go and it's just breaking my heart so much. Have some understanding and love, people. Everybody has the right to be with who they want to be with, and nobody, has the right to take that away from them.



Okay, I've had enough of being upset today. Let's have some videos and pictures for the LOLs

This gives me so much hope for the youths of America


And I love this so much. Watch Australian reporters rip those fucktards a new one


And obligatory:

YO JACKASS(ES) WHO SAID WHAT YOU SAID:

Labels: serious business

A serious entry for once.


Okay. If you know me well, you'd know that I'm one of the most apathetic people around to many issues, and of course I would mean that in a good way you ass. I don't really have an opinion on many things that people like to argue about. I don't care about the environment. I don't care about Singapore politics (what's there to argue about? there won't be any change no matter how much noise you make, so why not just shut up and sit down and just accept it). I don't have a stand on our education system/teenagers having premartial sex/WHATEVER. In fact, sometimes I'm apathetic even to people who like to ask inappropriate questions/ask for advice and then proceed to ignore it. Look, if you asked for my advice, the least I'd expect from you is to NOT turn around and proceed to do the exact opposite. If you do that, well, then expect me to be completely indifferent to whatever you have to say/ask in the future. As for people who like to ask inappropriate questions: wait for me to bitch about you. (yes I'm noting the irony here)

In short, you can say that this trait makes me a fairly easy-going person, because I don't get into arguments with people much, since well, I basically don't care about anything unless it interests me directly. (You can also call me a selfish bitch, whatever. I choose to focus on the good) So when I actually get riled up about something/have a strong opinion, you know it's time to shut your mouth before I bitchslap your ass.


First things first. (heh dee, you started this with our conversation yesterday :P) I've had it UP TO THERE with people who like to ask me, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME we meet, whether I'm attached or not. If you're sincerely concerned, cool, I'm not, so why don't you introduce some cute guys to me. But if you're just doing so to annoy me, then really, NOT COOL. And what I can't stand more than that? It's the way these people go all, "huh! why not? you're getting old you know! It's even harder for girls to get attached when they start working! Aiyo how?", because, maybe I'm over-analyzing this, it reeks of smugness and fake concern. And most of all, IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.

Let me give you an opinion I actually have on this issue: I do not care whether I'm attached or not. In fact, I LOVE how drama-free my life has been the past couple of years. I do not need all those rubbish in my life again. Am I nobody unless I'm with somebody? Why do I need to be defined that way? Nobody can hold my interest long enough (haha. apathy in action) and I don't care if this is a low blow to that person who said this, but at least I've got attention. Really, you are the last person to be allowed to give snide comments of that sort to me. I'm sorry for your life if you feel the desperate need to get attached, but please don't impose that kind of whacked ideology on me, thank you very much.


And the next issue. This is actually something that's not directly related to me, yet I'm incredibly passionate about. Like I said, I'm very tolerant about many things, but if you're homophobic, you're definitely in my bad books. (that means I curse your ass silently every time I see you. Haha. only half joking) If you are homophobic, so be it, that's your sad life, don't let me hear any homophobic remarks and we're cool. BUT if you do, I will not hesitate to call you out on it. I know I've made my stand on this issue pretty clear, but recently a couple of remarks made by certain people have irked me so much I feel very obliged to bitch about this again.

For crying out loud, the next time I hear some guy complimenting another guy on his looks, and then proceed to give himself a disclaimer by saying, "oh by the way I'm not gay", I swear I will bitchslap that person so hard he won't have anything to disclaim in the future. Do I sound like I'm overreacting? Probably. But I will have you know that said person has made many more homophobic remarks in the past, and I just never mentioned it. Are we still so regressed that paying a simple compliment to a person of the same sex = having interest in that person? Okay, I get that you're not the sharpest tool in the shed, but do you HONESTLY believe that the other guy would think "oh ew, he probably likes me"? Sorry, but not everyone's stupid like you. And I feel the need to bring this up again: "NO NEED FOR A DISCLAIMER. NOBODY THINKS YOU'RE GAY. AND ANYWAY, NO GAY GUY WOULD LIKE YOU. THEY ACTUALLY HAVE STANDARDS YOU KNOW?

Gah. I could go on on this issue forever. But let's leave the serious analysis for some other PMS-y day and just have some bitchiness for now.

Labels: random rants, serious business

funny how things come full circle

NTU mass comm: i want to write. but i don't like NTU. full-stop. but hey. i always have to eat my words. -- March 12, 2005

it wasn't like i never knew what my passion was. i've always been clear about the fact that i HAVE to do something related to writing, and i WILL do something related to writing. it's just kinda sad (sad in the musing way, not in the omg-boo-hoo-hoo way) that i have to find out under forced unpleasant circumstances how much i WANT to write. i thrive on writing. when im writing i'm in my element, my zone, my bubble. sure, sometimes i go on and on incoherently, but i guess that's how i define my writing - a socially accepted form of my personal brand of schizophrenia.

and speaking of schizophrenia. ha. i remember the way i struggled to make a choice on whether i should even go for the mass comm interview. i eventually did, but the fear of not being able to actually secure a, well, secure job, was so consuming that the desire to be in mass comm all but drained away and i'm very sure that reflected brilliantly on me during the interview. okay so obviously i did not get through in the end. and i'm not going to regret that because with the loss of mass comm, came marketing and that was eventually another aspect i thrived in because of the opportunities for me to bombard the tutors with my long rambling ideas about nothing in particular but apparently something to them. i loved it. i loved blowing smoke all over the place. i loved creating something from nothing. i loved making people think that i'm actually talking sense when i'm merely rephrasing my stuff in more and more flowery sentences as i go on. like what i am doing right now.


okay so all that verbal garbage aside, i guess i just have one conclusion to make: i. MUST. WRITE. in whatever job i have, i HAVE to write. and i HAVE to have the freedom to write.



and since all things have boiled down to this, i guess i finally have the freedom (oh thank god) to say this:

i hate(d) my job. (WHOA SURPRISE!) and i shock myself because now then i truly see how much i loathe it. it's a job that comes with so many contradictions that i want to name it after myself.

honestly, i don't hate ALL parts of it. it's just this one thing that keeps hanging over it that makes me want to slit my wrists at the end of the day. it's something called FUCKING RESTRICTIONS. and oh i know, the irony of it! after all, this IS a creative agency. i don't know man, restrictive and creative? jesus, that's mind fuck.

it's not about getting my stuff checked 10 million times and having them thrown back at me for the same number of times and seeing my stuff devolve into something that's totally different (that's right, i said it. DEVOLVE) it's the plain simple fact that i have utterly no freedom in the content of anything i write. i'm basically a highly evolved typewriter. you key in your desired contents and i spit out something that you will eventually rewrite yourself anyway. i don't see the fucking point of my presence. and these restrictions comes from all over the damn place. the client, the boss, both of whom are the two most demanding ungrateful self-centered soul sucking bitches that ever walked the face of this earth.

i know when you're junior, it comes with the territory that whatever you write IS restricted. i am totally fine with that. and i am always open to how i can improve on my writing. BUT when all you are doing is to demand that i rewrite the piece that i have just written by modifying some existing sample, it makes my soul die a little inside. and it does not help when your sample is a mouldy boring piece of crap that i could have written myself in five minutes. sorry, i do not follow bad examples, so maybe i just i can't do corporate shit. well, i mean i can, and i do a damn fine job at it. but i will hate you for making me do it. because you are stifling my creativity and you're restricting my brain. and when my brain gets restricted it automatically powers down.


okay deep breaths now.


i don't know. technically, i am not upset. because when i'm truly upset, i can't swallow any food. but right now my appetite's still fine. and in a way that pains me because it just goes to show how little i care about this. and on hindsight, it does seem like all the signs were already there, just that i never paid any attention. i have been constantly looking at other jobs (and feeling my heart break everytime i see opportunities from CAAS, P&G, L'oreal and Unilever and thinking that i could not apply for them), i've already started counting down to the time i would be leaving this place (i gave myself one year, and even then i was never completely convinced that i would stay that long) i literally had to drag myself to work everyday (which is one very clear sign that i'm unhappy. back at starhub, i didn't even dread going to work so much even though the bloody office was at fucking ayer rajah), i've complained about everything to almost everyone and i can go on and on and sometimes i have to keep myself in check because i was literally going to drown everyone with my constant spewing. and yes, i guess the most telling sign was when i woke up one day sometime last week and thought, omg, i hate my fucking job i cannot do this anymore. i felt so stifled i thought i was going to combust.

it's upsetting me more to type the last chunk because it feels like i am accepting defeat. that i am just not cut out for this industry. which is tragic, because i honestly believed i would thrive in such creative environments. but then i think to myself, i do love the environment, nothing's changed there, in the rare moments i was given free reign, i was positively thriving.

sorry let me rephrase that, i love the environment of the company as a whole, but i loathe that of my department (oh we all know who to thank for that). it's amazing how the two can even co-exist at the same time because they're practically the antithesis of each other. and you know what they say about polar opposites. no they do not fucking attract. they are mutually exclusive.


so.. i am taking this as a blessing in disguise. (alright, not much of a disguise there. i cant help feeling that leap of joy whenever i think i wont have to see that wrinkled old witch anymore) the best thing out of this is that, now i truly know what i want to do. i know which people are in control in this whole damn industry. and i don't know how long it will take, but i will make my way towards that direction. i've procrastinated again and again, but now it's the time i made my move.


and yes who knows. one day things may really come full circle again. don't fuck with people in this industry. because you never know when they will come back and be your boss. it has happened once, and who knows, it may happen again.

Labels: serious business

so... i am never one who will verbalise all my vulgarities (because you wont want to hear what i'm actually thinking in my mind, especially when i'm ill-tempered like today.)

but i swear to god, if this goes on any further, i will have a serious meltdown, and i will have no restraint whatsoever and i shalt not be held accountable for my actions/verbalisations.

(*$#%Y(##$(&*!@* i havent been so angry in a long time (oh alright, the past month) and i reckon it's only going to get worse.

fuck this man. i know i should learn to have higher tolerance levels but this is just bullshit.

guess what. i am already counting down.

ok i have sufficiently cooled down and i think i should grow up a little bit (ok alot) and stop bitching everytime somebody's being a complete bitch (a crazy unreasonable bipolar bitch at that) because if not i'll be bitching every single day and also, well this is only the beginning and if i want to survive i've gotta suck it up and shut my mouth (and also keep a poker face) AND FOCUS DAMNIT, because it's been a loooooong, a long time coming, but i know a change is gonna come (haha okay no lah it's just that i happen to be listening to the song. IT'S A NEW DAWN IT'S A NEW DAY IT'S A NEW LIFE FOR MEEEEEEEEE. AND I'M FEEEEEELING GOOD)

of course this doesn't mean i'm not prone to random bouts of angry rants on twitter. (slow ride take it easy! sorry the songs just keep playing yeah)


met the girls just now for dinner (which i suspect, is the main reason for my less-than-murderous mood now. check back tomorrow morning whether i still feel like slapping the shit out of a certain person) and zhi was talking about her brother starting work at CAAS and omg i could feel my soul crumble a little bit at a time at her description. i want to work for that place so damn much i don't even have any reason to justify that desire. i don't even know what i want to do that, be it corp comm or advertising or anything else, i just know i want to work for CAAS and someday i WILL work for CAAS.



bye monday. may the rest of the week be lovely. (ha. who am i kidding)

Labels: serious business

okay so right now i'm in a REALLY pissy mood, i thought i'd talk about something that i've been meaning to talk about for a long time but just never got a chance to/forgot to/was too lazy to talk about.


it all started couple of months ago when i heard some show on 958 (dad's car) where they were talking about the whole AWARE incident, and so the DJ was opening the phone lines for people to air their views on whether schools should be educating the kids about homosexuality (or something to that effect. i can't bloody remember). and i should have expected the hilarity that was about to ensue: nobody listens to this station except people born before 1965, and people like myself stuck on the cars of people born before 1965.

well, i am thankful to say that at least a couple of people did make some relevant comments and common sense, THEN this crazy bitch of a woman called in.

i cannot remember her (irrelevant) opinion but basically this was her train of thought (oh god people. when would you learn? BRAIN TO MOUTH FILTER PLEASE)

teach about homosexuality in school = encouraging homosexuality in kids = more homosexuals running around = end of the effing world
why got so many homosexuals running around today = blame media, blame other homosexuals being open about their sexual preferences

AND AS IF that wasn't epic enough, she continued on her incoherent rant (i swear. she sounds like paula abdul speaking in mandarin) about how if you allow homosexuals to marry = what will happen tomorrow? = tomorrow you will allow brothers and sisters to get married?! (to which i am rendered completely speechless, and the next thought that popped into my mind was, OMFG YOU CRAZY OLD DINGBAT)


okay first of all you stupid bitch, and you homophobes out there, (and i'm saying this as a straight person. im as straight as clay aiken is gay. that's how straight i am)
IT'S SEXUAL ORIENTATION, NOT PREFERENCE (GET WITH THE PROGRAM)
by saying that it's a preference, you're saying that they in fact, CHOSE to be gay. right. then can i ask a really thought provoking question? WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY WANT TO DO THAT? society's still as close-minded as it ever was 100 years ago (just that people proclaim otherwise) and people still view gay people as "wrong" and "perverted" and "can be cured (WIN)". SO. IS THIS THE KIND OF LIFE THAT THEY WOULD "PREFER"? why would anyone want to put themselves down this more difficult path if they had a choice? i know people who have to get by their lives hiding their true selves, lying to their friends and families precisely because society is still so disapproving of their inclinations. this road is such a difficult one to walk, why on earth would anyone even THINK that this is something they would choose for themselves?!

Labels: serious business