okay so there i was sitting at my table with my halogens notes in front of me, i was suddenly hit with a serious bout of depression.
which left me staring blankly at my notes feeling the waves of anger and sadness hitting me again and again.
so now as i'm typing this, i'm left with nothing but resignedness (there is such a word. i've checked so there! -huffs-)

what's the point with feeling pissed off all the time. people usually don't give you the time of the day and they get pissed off at you too, which of course makes matters worse bcuz you end up feeling like a total ass since you were the one who was mad in the 1st place and now.. well you're too confused to know what's going on.
and yeah you feel quite stupid too since you know you won't be getting any apologies sooner or later or ever and you know in the end you're just going to be the one who's going to give in.
and this naturally doesn't make you feel good and this irritating little piece of memory is going straight to the bank of many reasons Why-I-Got-Mad-In-The-First-Place, to be used for future references. n of course, this whole cycle is going to repeat itself one of these days. again.
again and again n again n again.

if you think i'm being petty and unreasonable. so be it. i can't possibly make excuses for myself.
if you don't want to talk about it precisely because i'm petty n unreasonable, well. -shrugs- i'm resigned.