I have to talk about this. Never have I ever been legitimately pissed off at a movie I just watched. I was actually annoyed enough to want to throw something at the movie screen at the end of it, I kid you not.

IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TOO MUCH MONEY TO WASTE AND YOU WANT TO FUND SOME KOREAN BITCHES' PLASTIC SURGERY, THEN BY ALL MEANS GO WATCH HAEUNDAE: THE DEADLY TSUNAMI.


People who know me know that I loathe Korean shows with a passion. I abhor the fact that the plots are always the same old tired boring unimaginative oh-i-have-a-terminal-disease sob story. I hate the fact that the actors and actresses seem to have a penchant for yelling/screaming/screeching at each other (which never, ever fails to make my hair stand and want to throw something at the general direction of their voices). Most of all, I cannot stand the fact that people seem to think that Korean actors/actresses have great acting skills when in reality all they do is overemote and scream and throw things.

So, the only time I would voluntarily subject myself to a Korean show is when it involves thousands of Koreans being swept away by some massive disaster, I don't care even care what. And that was how leed, william and I ended up watching Haeundae: The Deadly Tsunami (read: SHITTIEST disaster movie ever created in the history of shitty disaster movies)

You know, if you have no budget for even crappy CGI effects, then for fuck's sake, don't even try to masquerade as some big budget film with a "touching" storyline. Just do what Sinking of Japan did - have a crappy plot in addition to your crappy effects - because at the end of the movie I would be laughing too hard to care. But noooooo, you had to attempt to weave a dramatic plot about love in the midst of a disaster flick.

Normally it would have worked, but you had to try to up your own game by squeezing THREE STUPID AND NONSENSICAL love stories into the movie, all in the span of one hour. Resulting effect? The stories were not the least bit touching, and instead cringe-worthy, laughable, boring, unconvincing, the actors fucking annoying and ugly (save for one guy but he's annoying too).

For one whole hour, the three of us were yawning and lamenting the lack of death and abundance of the pseudo love stories that the movie insisted on force-feeding everyone. And then when the effects finally came, the CGI was so horrifyingly bad the three of us WHAT THE FUCK-ED at the same moment. We were probably screeching with despaired laughter at the same time as well, because that's when we realised we spent 10 bucks on possibly something we could have watched online (and still felt pissed about wasting time on). And seriously, when your tsunami looks like a mild flood, and you can tell the actors are actually standing in shoulder-deep water, you know you've got a problem - YOU SHOULD PROBABLY HAVE NOT MADE THIS MOVIE IN THE FIRST PLACE.


okay i'm done pissing all over the movie. I am now eagerly awaiting 2012 more than ever because as shitty as the plot may be, as cheesy as the CGI effects may be, at least I know it'd still be a trillion times better than this epic shitfest that was Haeundae. URGH. oh and there's Time for Miracles but that's totally besides the point.

Labels: random rants