i'm feeling.. particularly down.
it's been a particularly difficult semester.
and xinwei and i had a long chat today on the way home about the people in marketing and project group mates. we concluded how important it is to choose your group mates correctly. and even when working with friends, sometimes, people just don't turn out the way they used to be.
she mentioned that during their 213 class yesterday, how united that （可恶的）shuxian's group (haha. that adjective i add one lah :P) seemed to be, and how happy they were working together. and i think, we're both really envious of that. sorry, scratch that for me. i'm freakin' jealous :( hahaha.

and then suddenly i'm overwhelmed with how much i missed my AB112 group :( that was the ONE group in my entire nbs life, that i truly loved working with. i had absolutely no qualms about meeting them at the ulu-ated bukit panjang for project meetings, even though we would do projects until 11+ at night and me and Good Friend would have to run for the last bus home. i had no problems meeting them almost every day for discussions even though i had other modules to take care of. i didn't care that my life was all about marketing. because i loved the people i was working with, i loved the group dynamics, i loved how we would start laughing over nothing and not stop even 1/2 hour later. i loved how we always produced excellent work, which was such a boost to our group morale. and this made working with them, not seem like working in the tiniest bit.

and i have not been in such a group ever since. sure i've been in groups with some of my favourite people, but it just never seemed to replicate the spirit of my old AB112 group. the sense of belongingness to the group, the pride you take in the work you produce. well you could blame it on the fact that we have not had intensive projects up til this semester, but somehow i think no other group would come quite so close anymore.

3 intensive modules this semester, and the one time that i actually felt that i'm enjoying what i'm doing was preparing for the final marcom audit for 214. we actually had fun doing all the ads and recommendations together, and for the first time in the whole year in marketing that i felt i'm finally doing something i love: brainstorming for ideas, analysing, anticipating arguments, putting your heart and soul into something you believe in. but still, the group just didnt get to bond towards the end, so it was still lacking in unity.
as for 215, well quite obviously none of us had any liking for the stupid module, and that module was definitely not as intensive as the other two, so we didn't exactly put it on top of any of our priorities.
and coming to 213. i think it's going to be one very sore spot in my nbs life. i have to be honest. i ACTUALLY LIKE the module. i ACTUALLY like markstrat. i think it's really interesting, useful and it's definitely going to help with my revision because of all the hours of analysing i've put in. but all my hard work obviously came to naught. also for the very first time in nbs, i felt so.. helpless. week after week, you die a little inside as you watch your hard work sink further into nothing, and i guess this is what made me extremely resentful, and oh, don't get me wrong, i'm still resentful, up til now. i'm just no longer angry. i actually like the people. i'm just sad that i actually had to go through all that shit in the beginning, and i couldn't do anything to salvage the situation. and i'm also extremely disappointed because all my hard work has obviously gone down the drain. and this hard work is not going to reflect in my grades.

talking about 213, two extremely important lessons can be drawn. number one, CHOOSE your team mates wisely. and when you are not able to choose (like me) INSIST YOUR WAY THROUGH. DIE ALSO MUST DO WITH PEOPLE YOU WANT TO DO WITH.
number two, and speaking of this makes my blood boil a little, sometimes, even the people you think are friends, can be so Scared to Lose Until Chao Kuan ie. SLUCK(quoting from our friend Joseph who has a thesis on this. apparently a great number of nbs people are prone to falling into this category) when you have gained something from me, i expect you to reciprocate. it's that simple. i have offered you help, and when the times call for you to help me, it's the natural law in order that you do the same for me. and i absolutely cannot stand it when you are so SLUCK.



so.. we come to the end of this long draggy semester.
somehow i feel like i've come out of it a little smarter and sharper about the people around me.
but also, i'm just sad and tired on how things have turned out.
it's odd, because even the individual assignment for 214 didnt cheer me up substantially. (well, seeing how my tutor was giving away B+ and A- like free, i think i only felt relieved, and not exactly ecstatic that i got A+. eh damnit all the hard work alright! and of course dearest mol's contribution. LOVE YOU!)


what a long time-wasting post.
but at least i got everything off my chest.
now it's time to settle down and start some intensive mugging.
gotta kick some 102/213/214/215 ass. :)