it's funny how you think some things would change for the better after the many difficulties you have gone through to get to where you are today.

you would think that after a major fallout, your friendship would be stronger than ever.

you thought wrong then.



this is the last time i'm going to talk about this.
i need to clarify some matters.
and after today
there's nothing more i can do.

if we (note it is WE not YOU. because i concede that i've been childish too) still continue to behave the way we are,
then there's nothing i can do.
i will be neutral towards this whole thing of course. it's your choice if you wish to let things remain the way they are.
and i promise. it's perfectly okay.


ahem. relevant people/person please continue reading. the rest, no need to do so. you won't get it anyway.


this is not a plea for us to be friends again.
i honestly believe that we can never be good friends again.
your problem? mine? i don't really care.
the only thing that's probably disturbing me is that, how we can turn out to be more like enemies than anything else, in a space of a few months
yeah. i admit it. i was disturbed.
but before my thinking got warped enough to believe that i'm in the wrong again
i realised it's not entirely my fault.
and i say, neither it is yours.
maybe you've changed. maybe i have.

i used to hang on to this friendship so much because i stubbornly believed that you were the only one who really understood the way i thought.
sadly. up til recently.
but i was wrong. very wrong.
perhaps you did. yup like 2 years ago maybe.
and if that's the only reason why i still hope for us to be friends
then i guess there's no reason why i should bother anymore.

and besides,
i don't need your put-downs. i don't need your comments.
you've changed too much.
i'm sorry i called you scum. nobody deserves that kind of remarks. i should think you saw that, judging by your behaviour after that. if you didn't, well. sorry.
but that's the only thing i'm apologising for.

the whole point of typing this today is to tell you that
i really, really do not need to be friends with you anymore.
please. it would shock people to know that we were once good friends judging by the way we act today.
i don't need you to come clear things up. haha. sorry, i don't think you would either.
besides, it won't work
almost a year since you last told me that you wanted to clear things up.
any changes? nope.
i don't need the false hope.

it's okay. perfectly okay.
i'm not mad at you.
in fact, your blatant ignorance of me in school makes me amused more than anything else.
because i think, gosh, how much more can a person change!
i'm not confused. i'm not angry. i'm not upset.
because, why bother to change things that can't be changed anyway?

so why do i still spend time typing this you ask?
haha. i stress once again i'm not hoping to be friends
i do this because i think it's disturbing the way we act around each other. (not sad disturbing. just plain weird disturbing)
(i think you may have said that before last year. haha. but is it what you still think?)
not to mention it is fairly childish and immature. very pri school.
yah. partly my fault also lah.
but i'm going to have to change that.
we don't need to be friends. we don't even need to be aquaintances. we can just be people who know each other exists.
i would be doing my part of course.
but whether you want to or not, i'm not going to lose sleep over that.
if you still insist on acting this way.
welll.....
up to you.
i've tried! haha.





funny how things can be so clear all at once isn't it?

i'm sorry that i actually felt so bad over this whole thing for so long. it feels sooo good to be wake up one day and realise, hell! i've been an idiot!
i've wasted enough time and emotions.
but hey. better late than never.

haha. i'm so okay now!

okay enough to feel really worried about that bloody biochem test on thursday lah damnit.




you know what is one thing that i've learnt out of this whole thing?

never ever, i repeat, NEVER, get yourself upset over the troubles of other people.
it's one thing to be concerned and sympathetic.
it's another to get yourself right in the middle of all that shit
whoo! it brings whole new meaning to "put yourself in the shoes of other people"
and besides
chances of the other person doing the same for you is practically non-existent.
(hey. you're talking about getting yourself emotionally and physically involved leh. why would anyone want to be so dumb. just because you are doesn't mean the rest of the world is ya know? haha)
that is why more than often not.
i want to delete the whole of my august and september archives. (oh don't bother checking them out. you can't tell what i'm talking about)
bloody trying and annoying i tell you.

so the next time a person gets into some emotional trouble or what, i'm just going to have to pat him/her on the back and coo sympathetically "oh you poor dear!" and then go back to my biochem notes.





KIDDING LAH CAN?




anyway go to this website if you have an english name. very fun!