sometimes i wish i had been born stupid
not stupid stupid,
but not er, intellectually able enough to have made it to a good secondary school
then nobody would expect me to go to a jc
nobody would expect me to get good results
nobody would expect me to go to a university
everybody would have thought a diploma was good enough
(what's so bad about going to a poly anyway? isnt the govt doing all they can to give them chances to go to the university? nobody seems to be caring about jc students leh ie let a levels stay the way they used to be instead of complaining to cambridge that it's too bloody easy. thanks ah. anyway i digress)
aren't dip holders doing as well as anybody else eh??
i should know right??
i see so many credit card applications everyday. they earn just as much as the graduates dont' they???
-snarls-


i wish i never had made it to dunman
then i wouldnt have made it to vj
then i wouldnt have been made to go through two years of utter hell and be made to literally take a walk through hell itself when i was made to take the a levels
and then 1st of march would just be another insignificant day
and maybe i would be able to sleep in peace tomorrow.



how could i have known that my coming to vj would inevitably lead to a complete shattering of whatever self-confidence that i ever had.

every single failure only leaving me digging desperately for something that i could be proud of
(but no. people do not recognise and they have to tell me that some people are still better)

okay lah you win! i'm dumb, you're 4As material. i'm mediocre, she's fantastic. i don't care. i give up.

i loathe it when people openly look down on me, but i loathe it more when there's nothing i can do about it.